It's now week three into my second semester at college, and so far it's been hard to compare to the first semester because my classes and schedule are so completely different. That's one thing about college; things never stay the same for long. I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. I mean it's taking a while to adjust to life here at school again. For one thing, saying goodbye to my family this time as they dropped me off was even harder than when they left me in the summer. It was hard because I had just spent three weeks getting used to being taken care of by them and surrounded by them again. Then I had to re-grow up. Oh, and then there's the simple fact that I just plain old miss them. I miss the normal way things go around my house; the routine and simplicity of it all. But like I was saying in an earlier post, when I'm at home, I miss school, and when I'm at home, I miss school. It's sort of a sad little circle sometimes! But God's just using this to teach me to be content wherever He puts me.
This concept really challenged me last weekend when my old high school jazz band came to my school to play in the annual jazz blast. Here's what I anticipated: The kids would be nice to me and have fun with me, but there would be a definite divide between them and me. Here's what actually happened: I got a hug from almost everyone as they walked in and spent the day showing them my new home and playing piano with Parco just like we did every day during advisory last year. They (especially the seniors) treated me like nothing had changed and I hadn't been gone for months. I was having so much fun with them that I almost, almost forgot that I wasn't actually a part of the group anymore. That just messed with my emotions all day long.
Being the amazing jazz band that they are, my high school won the competition and got to play with my new college jazz band at the night concert. That's when I fully grasped the fact that they were playing in a different band from me. I could no longer watch Mr. Gottwig's face as he conducted, make faces at Parco as she played piano, or be a part of the group that grew and changed me so much over the years in high school. It was hard watching them perform from my backstage seat. But after both their band and my band played I made an even sadder realization. That was the last time my brother and I would ever share a stage. Ever. Then I started to cry. And I didn't stop. So yet again (no this hasn't been the first time), my poor parents had to drive a teary eyed Mary back to the dorm after the concert. They probably thought I was a mental case that night. But I'm simply still trying to figure out how to grow up. Part of my heart is still back in high school with my brothers, my band, my track team, and countless other people and groups that have played a major part in the person I am today. But at the same time that other part of my heart has moved on and grown to love everyone here.
Needless to say, it's been a bit of a rocky start to my second semester, but all in all I'm enjoying my new schedule. I'm also enjoying going running again in the mornings. I started running about this time last year, but gave it up during the summer. With the new year though, I started up again. Just like last time, it's been a great way to manage stress and help give me a little stability to every day. It's also been really fun and a good way for me to run off excess energy that you all know I have plenty of.
Right now I'm looking forward to this weekend and getting to spend some time on Sunday with my family. I wish they could take me home with them on Friday, but that isn't in the cards this time. At this point though, I'll take any time with them I can have!
Like I said earlier, lately God's been teaching me a lot with contentment. No matter where I am, I need to be willing to live life to the fullest and not wish for things to be different. I need to be content when I'm at school, I need to be content when I'm at home, I need to be content that I've moved on past high school and to the next chapter of life, I need to be content that God has me just where he wants me right here and right now, and I need to be content knowing that everything that has happened in the past is all part of his plan. As David Grayson (no idea who he is, but he must be a wise man) puts it, Contentment comes as the infallible result of great acceptances, great humilities--of not trying to make ourselves this or that, but of surrendering ourselves to the fullness of life--of letting life flow through us.
Can I get an amen??
:)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Christmas Time
I'm officially nearing the end of the longest Christmas break I have ever experienced. Right now I'm sitting in a cute coffee shop in Northern Wisconsin looking out over a snowy lake. That's right, amazing as it seems, snow is actually a concept when you go four and a half hours northeast! I'm enjoying being surrounded by big trees and lakes. It's refreshingly peaceful up here.
Going home for Christmas was so different this year. In high school I always had some sort of project to do, paper to write, or test to study for over break, but this year was truly a break. I had literally nothing that needed to be done. Because of that, both I and my entire family spent much needed time with countless friends. It seemed like every day there was a different person to see and talk to. This was both a blessing and a struggle for me. I absolutely love being busy and having people surrounding me, but at the same time, there were days where I just wanted to sit in the den and read a book all the while listening to my mom baking in the kitchen, Daniel screaming at the Packer game in the basement, my dad making corny jokes, or Ben playing the piano in the living room.
However, most days that didn't happen. I'm not sure I minded though because I got to spend time with people that I just don't see anymore. That was such a treat.
As a Christmas present for Ben, a friend and I brought Jasmine home from Colorado for a huge surprise. I've never seen him so speechless in my whole life when she popped out from inside his closet! Of course, Ben still had school during the day, so Jasmine and I got some coloring, talking, and face painting done. It was so fun to see her. I think she and I had almost as much fun together as she and Ben. Almost :) It was sad to see her go, but I think a road trip to Colorado is in the near future for Ben and me.
The day after Christmas, we got to spend time with cousins. I always appreciate the time we get to spend with them. The older they get and the older we get, the more we can do together. And as you can see, this picture was taken December 26th. We were all coat-less and enjoying the warm weather and taking our very first cousin-only walk.
I also got to see this lovely lady twice! Once at our trumpet sleepover and once for our traditional pancake breakfast and adventure (which this time, due to injuries, only ended up being a walk down the path by my house). I wouldn't trade sister talks with Emma for anything.
All in all, even though this break was busy with even more people than I mentioned, it was lovely. It was a good kind of busy that filled me up and reminded me of how special these friends are to my family and me. By this point however, I'm ready to get back to school and get back to my regular routine. But for now, I'm enjoying the views up in Northern Wisconsin as well as the company of two special people that I've been missing for three weeks, so I think I can wait a few more days to get back to the busyness of life. :)
Going home for Christmas was so different this year. In high school I always had some sort of project to do, paper to write, or test to study for over break, but this year was truly a break. I had literally nothing that needed to be done. Because of that, both I and my entire family spent much needed time with countless friends. It seemed like every day there was a different person to see and talk to. This was both a blessing and a struggle for me. I absolutely love being busy and having people surrounding me, but at the same time, there were days where I just wanted to sit in the den and read a book all the while listening to my mom baking in the kitchen, Daniel screaming at the Packer game in the basement, my dad making corny jokes, or Ben playing the piano in the living room.
However, most days that didn't happen. I'm not sure I minded though because I got to spend time with people that I just don't see anymore. That was such a treat.
As a Christmas present for Ben, a friend and I brought Jasmine home from Colorado for a huge surprise. I've never seen him so speechless in my whole life when she popped out from inside his closet! Of course, Ben still had school during the day, so Jasmine and I got some coloring, talking, and face painting done. It was so fun to see her. I think she and I had almost as much fun together as she and Ben. Almost :) It was sad to see her go, but I think a road trip to Colorado is in the near future for Ben and me.
The day after Christmas, we got to spend time with cousins. I always appreciate the time we get to spend with them. The older they get and the older we get, the more we can do together. And as you can see, this picture was taken December 26th. We were all coat-less and enjoying the warm weather and taking our very first cousin-only walk.
I also got to see this lovely lady twice! Once at our trumpet sleepover and once for our traditional pancake breakfast and adventure (which this time, due to injuries, only ended up being a walk down the path by my house). I wouldn't trade sister talks with Emma for anything.
All in all, even though this break was busy with even more people than I mentioned, it was lovely. It was a good kind of busy that filled me up and reminded me of how special these friends are to my family and me. By this point however, I'm ready to get back to school and get back to my regular routine. But for now, I'm enjoying the views up in Northern Wisconsin as well as the company of two special people that I've been missing for three weeks, so I think I can wait a few more days to get back to the busyness of life. :)
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Christmas Blessings
On Thursday I finished off my first semester of college. It feels like just yesterday I left, and now I'm already back home. This comes with mixed feelings. I spend so much time at school wishing I could be at home, but once I get home, I spend so much time wishing I could be at school. Even though missing these dear places is hard, I think the constant ache I feel inside is God's reminder to me of how blessed I truly am.
There's a certain comfort that comes from knowing that no matter what, I have a family that loves me back at home. Even when I'm at school and it's been a month since I've seen my mom, dad, or brothers, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt just how much they love and miss me. Even when they aren't with me, everything I've learned from them over the years is with me, inside of me, and in that sense, they will never leave me.
Now that I'm home for Christmas however, I'm realizing just how much I miss my family at school. God blessed me so much when he brought me to Northwestern. He has surrounded me with people who love God and are a daily encouragement to me. He has blessed me with Godly professors, a great section leader in band, an awesome prayer group, countless role models, and two beautiful sisters who light up my life each day.
Sometimes I am literally reduced to tears when I think about how blessed I am. God has been so faithful to me this first semester at college, and He has moved in ways I never could have imagined a mere five months ago. Now, I'm taking a break from the fast-paced college life though and remembering how to relax again. And when I get back, I'll be re-charged and ready to tackle yet another semester of learning more about God's will for my life. I'm excited to see what's next!
These ladies are God's biggest blessing to me this semester. I'm thankful for them every day. And I love them to the moon and back :)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A Great Joy
This past weekend I had the joy of playing in my very first Christmas at Northwestern. Basically it's a Farmington Holiday Concert times six. This past week I have been living in the music department as we have all been preparing for the biggest musical event of the year. I was already worn out by Thursday night, and that was before the performances even started.
Our first performance on Friday was very different for me. In fact so were the performances on Saturday and Sunday as well. For the first time in a really long time, I was truly excited to get out on stage and perform. Just ask my parents. I was wiggling in my seat all through family dinner on Saturday just waiting to get back to school for the concert. This is strange for me because at this time last year, I was seriously considering giving up on music all together for a number of reasons.
Throughout high school I found my identity in music, and gave pretty much everything I had to it. Just ask my brothers. I spent every waking minute practicing--even if they were still asleep. All my practicing paid off, and I got into all-state. There was no "first chair" but I got the solos and first and second parts on the harder songs. I was given the best parts out of all of the trumpets. Making all-state is the ultimate goal for most high schoolers, and being able to play with a group of that caliber was an amazing experience for me. After the experience was over though, I felt lost. I had gotten to be among the best of the best. What else was there left to do? My motivation was gone.
After all-state, anxiety set in. The bar was set so high. What if I didn't meet the high expectations everyone else had for me? Worse still, what if I didn't meet the high expectations I had for myself? I expected perfection and nothing short of it. Music stopped being fun, and it started to become a test. Every time I played, I either passed or failed. Most of the time I failed because I was so nervous about what everyone else thought of me. Concerts scared me to death, playing solos was out of the question, and auditions turned into life-altering moments. I felt like my entire life was getting blown out of proportion. I started to turn my back on music all together. Until this year.
This year things have changed. No longer am I first chair in a band that puts pressure on me to be perfect. Instead I'm merely a part of a group of people who love to make music together but most of all love God more than they love their music. It's been a slow process, but I'm starting to find the same joy in playing music that I had in my early high school years. I was able to go onstage and have the time of my life playing Christmas music with the entire music department here at school. I'm not worried so much about what other people think about me anymore. I'm not worried as much about making a mistake. No one is perfect. Does this mean I'm completely free of my worries and fears? No. And chances are, I will never be completely free. But through all of this, I'm learning to turn the focus off of myself and remember that I'm part of a bigger picture, and everything I do needs to bring glory to God, not myself.
I love the way my section leader put it. One night when I was really struggling this fall, she told me to think of it like this: Playing trumpet for God is like a child drawing a picture for his parent. Even if all the child gives his parent is crayon scribbles, his parent doesn't care in the least because the love and meaning behind those crayon scribbles is worth more than the Mona Lisa. God looks at my trumpet playing the same way. It doesn't matter if I play perfectly or if I mess up big time. As long as I do with with the right heart and play for Him rather than myself or my audience, He will be proud of me. And in the end that's all that really matters right?
Knowing that, it's a lot easier to play music with a peaceful and joyful heart :)
Our first performance on Friday was very different for me. In fact so were the performances on Saturday and Sunday as well. For the first time in a really long time, I was truly excited to get out on stage and perform. Just ask my parents. I was wiggling in my seat all through family dinner on Saturday just waiting to get back to school for the concert. This is strange for me because at this time last year, I was seriously considering giving up on music all together for a number of reasons.
Throughout high school I found my identity in music, and gave pretty much everything I had to it. Just ask my brothers. I spent every waking minute practicing--even if they were still asleep. All my practicing paid off, and I got into all-state. There was no "first chair" but I got the solos and first and second parts on the harder songs. I was given the best parts out of all of the trumpets. Making all-state is the ultimate goal for most high schoolers, and being able to play with a group of that caliber was an amazing experience for me. After the experience was over though, I felt lost. I had gotten to be among the best of the best. What else was there left to do? My motivation was gone.
After all-state, anxiety set in. The bar was set so high. What if I didn't meet the high expectations everyone else had for me? Worse still, what if I didn't meet the high expectations I had for myself? I expected perfection and nothing short of it. Music stopped being fun, and it started to become a test. Every time I played, I either passed or failed. Most of the time I failed because I was so nervous about what everyone else thought of me. Concerts scared me to death, playing solos was out of the question, and auditions turned into life-altering moments. I felt like my entire life was getting blown out of proportion. I started to turn my back on music all together. Until this year.
This year things have changed. No longer am I first chair in a band that puts pressure on me to be perfect. Instead I'm merely a part of a group of people who love to make music together but most of all love God more than they love their music. It's been a slow process, but I'm starting to find the same joy in playing music that I had in my early high school years. I was able to go onstage and have the time of my life playing Christmas music with the entire music department here at school. I'm not worried so much about what other people think about me anymore. I'm not worried as much about making a mistake. No one is perfect. Does this mean I'm completely free of my worries and fears? No. And chances are, I will never be completely free. But through all of this, I'm learning to turn the focus off of myself and remember that I'm part of a bigger picture, and everything I do needs to bring glory to God, not myself.
I love the way my section leader put it. One night when I was really struggling this fall, she told me to think of it like this: Playing trumpet for God is like a child drawing a picture for his parent. Even if all the child gives his parent is crayon scribbles, his parent doesn't care in the least because the love and meaning behind those crayon scribbles is worth more than the Mona Lisa. God looks at my trumpet playing the same way. It doesn't matter if I play perfectly or if I mess up big time. As long as I do with with the right heart and play for Him rather than myself or my audience, He will be proud of me. And in the end that's all that really matters right?
Knowing that, it's a lot easier to play music with a peaceful and joyful heart :)
Monday, November 28, 2011
A Season of Thanks
Even though it is now past Thanksgiving, I feel the need for one more "thankful" post for someone I truly love and admire in a lot of ways--my big sister, Emma.
When I was little, some of the first prayers I remember saying to God consisted of me begging him for a baby sister. Instead I wound up with two baby brothers. Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled about that. God had a different plan in mind though, and while he never gave me a "real" sister, he has given me sisters at heart, Emma being one of the dearest to me.
There are many reasons why Emma is so special to me. Through every year in high school, she was a person I could turn to with anything. She was a stronghold for me in times of stress or in times when I just didn't know what to do. She had a listening ear for everything. She shared a love for music with me, and she struggled with me to fill some pretty big shoes when we took over the trumpet section together. She's laughed with me, cried with me, and been there with me through many hard changes and situations. Like all sisters, we fought, but in the end, we came out stronger because of it.
These are all things from high school though. One of the biggest things about Emma I'm thankful for today is the fact that even though I don't see her five times a day anymore, little has changed. I might only see her five times a year now, but every time we get together we pick right up from where we left off. Life has moved on from the days of high school for both of us, but I'm thankful that God has allowed us to stay "kindred spirits." Some of my favorite high school memories were made with Emma, and through her friendship I've grown so much. I can't begin to tell you how much fun we've had together over the last five years. From being my locker buddy back in 7th grade all the way to biking 30 miles with me the day before leaving for college (not advised by the way), she's what I'd call a "forever friend" and I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything.
When I was little, some of the first prayers I remember saying to God consisted of me begging him for a baby sister. Instead I wound up with two baby brothers. Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled about that. God had a different plan in mind though, and while he never gave me a "real" sister, he has given me sisters at heart, Emma being one of the dearest to me.
There are many reasons why Emma is so special to me. Through every year in high school, she was a person I could turn to with anything. She was a stronghold for me in times of stress or in times when I just didn't know what to do. She had a listening ear for everything. She shared a love for music with me, and she struggled with me to fill some pretty big shoes when we took over the trumpet section together. She's laughed with me, cried with me, and been there with me through many hard changes and situations. Like all sisters, we fought, but in the end, we came out stronger because of it.
These are all things from high school though. One of the biggest things about Emma I'm thankful for today is the fact that even though I don't see her five times a day anymore, little has changed. I might only see her five times a year now, but every time we get together we pick right up from where we left off. Life has moved on from the days of high school for both of us, but I'm thankful that God has allowed us to stay "kindred spirits." Some of my favorite high school memories were made with Emma, and through her friendship I've grown so much. I can't begin to tell you how much fun we've had together over the last five years. From being my locker buddy back in 7th grade all the way to biking 30 miles with me the day before leaving for college (not advised by the way), she's what I'd call a "forever friend" and I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything.
Thank you God for answering my prayer.
<3
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Traditions
Tonight I'm thankful for Thanksgiving traditions. This is the time of year when I truly appreciate it when everything is the same as it's always been. I may be off at college now, but there are certain things that I know won't change this Christmas season. For starters, I am painfully aware that I will be woken up at 5:30 a.m. Thursday morning to make the seven hour drive to Battle Creek, Nebraska. I am definitely a morning person, but that's a little early for even me! Nevertheless, going to Aunt Mary's house for Thanksgiving is a tradition that I wouldn't trade for anything. This year especially I'll appreciate the time with my family.
Another tradition is breaking out the Christmas music. Typically we add a new CD to the collection each year, but we still have the CDs that I listened to for as long as I can remember. Anytime I hear Amy Grant or Mannheim Steamroller, I get this indescribable feeling inside of me. It's like I'm a little girl again anticipating the magic of Christmas morning. A couple of my newer favorite Christmas CDs are by Point of Grace. They somehow did not survive the transfer from the family computer to my laptop this summer. I actually went into panic mode last night, tearing apart the house looking for them to re-load them, only to find them twenty minutes later outside in the van. Crisis was avoided, but narrowly. Christmas without my music is un-imaginable.
Setting up the Christmas tree when we get back from Nebraska is an adventure each year. We're lame and have one of those fake trees, so my dad and brothers get us started by putting all the branches in the right places. Then my mom and whoever she can get to help her string up the lights. This is the most stressful part because if any part of the light string doesn't light up, we have to put everything on hold and run to the hardware store and get more. After all of that boring stuff, we get to the fun part: ornaments. We all sit together in the living room and my parents give my brothers and I each a gift bag. We open these and inside is our new ornament for the year. It's always fun seeing what creative things they pick out representing the year we've nearly completed. The rest of the ornaments we've acquired over the years all go up haphazardly over the rest of the tree. It isn't picture perfect by department store standards, but it's perfect in my eyes. Those ornaments never change. Each year they're the same, and I can count on that! It's like getting to see an old friend again when I pull them out and hang them up. That's probably a really bad analogy, but it's how I feel :)
The only thing that's different this year is that I won't get to enjoy the magic for as long. I'll be going back to school a day after the tree gets up. I'll be sad because I'll have to wait for two more weeks to actually feel like it's Christmas at the Cline house. But I guess I'll be ok because I get to go back to school and see these lovely faces! Did I mention how thankful I am for them, or how much I miss them?? They make it ok to go back :)
Another tradition is breaking out the Christmas music. Typically we add a new CD to the collection each year, but we still have the CDs that I listened to for as long as I can remember. Anytime I hear Amy Grant or Mannheim Steamroller, I get this indescribable feeling inside of me. It's like I'm a little girl again anticipating the magic of Christmas morning. A couple of my newer favorite Christmas CDs are by Point of Grace. They somehow did not survive the transfer from the family computer to my laptop this summer. I actually went into panic mode last night, tearing apart the house looking for them to re-load them, only to find them twenty minutes later outside in the van. Crisis was avoided, but narrowly. Christmas without my music is un-imaginable.
Setting up the Christmas tree when we get back from Nebraska is an adventure each year. We're lame and have one of those fake trees, so my dad and brothers get us started by putting all the branches in the right places. Then my mom and whoever she can get to help her string up the lights. This is the most stressful part because if any part of the light string doesn't light up, we have to put everything on hold and run to the hardware store and get more. After all of that boring stuff, we get to the fun part: ornaments. We all sit together in the living room and my parents give my brothers and I each a gift bag. We open these and inside is our new ornament for the year. It's always fun seeing what creative things they pick out representing the year we've nearly completed. The rest of the ornaments we've acquired over the years all go up haphazardly over the rest of the tree. It isn't picture perfect by department store standards, but it's perfect in my eyes. Those ornaments never change. Each year they're the same, and I can count on that! It's like getting to see an old friend again when I pull them out and hang them up. That's probably a really bad analogy, but it's how I feel :)
The only thing that's different this year is that I won't get to enjoy the magic for as long. I'll be going back to school a day after the tree gets up. I'll be sad because I'll have to wait for two more weeks to actually feel like it's Christmas at the Cline house. But I guess I'll be ok because I get to go back to school and see these lovely faces! Did I mention how thankful I am for them, or how much I miss them?? They make it ok to go back :)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
My Gift
Today I'm thankful for the gift God has given me in my love for kids. I was so blessed this weekend. I decided (rather last minute) to head home with my family after my band concert on Friday night. I got to enjoy food from Mom, sleeping in my own bed, and some much needed peace and quiet (well as quiet as it ever gets with seemingly endless football games being broadcasted downstairs). I also got to go back to my church for a visit. The few times I have made it back this year, I haven't seen a friend in sight, but this time I saw a very special little friend who reminded me just why I do what I do.
I was wandering around, trying to find someone to talk to after service, and saw this little face in the crowd! Ellie is my high school track coach's daughter, and I've been watching her and her two older sisters for the last few summers off an on. I held out my arms to little Ellie and she just ran toward me and gave me a big hug. I don't know about you, but I think hugs from kids are the best. Kids don't give hugs just to give hugs, they give hugs because they actually mean them! Seeing Ellie's eyes light up when she saw me reminded me just how much I mean to this little girl. She rattled on and on about her halloween costume, her stashed away candy, and even her cool-aid dyed hair! She was just a whirlwind of smiles. She turned to her mom and said "Mooooom, we should have Mary babysit again." I felt sad as her mom had to explain that I was gone away at college and wouldn't be home for another month. Ellie's face fell instantly. I know that Ellie looks up to me in a lot of ways. She knows that I care about her and that I'll pay attention to her even when her sisters and brother won't. She knows I'm not afraid to be crazy with her and dance around the kitchen. I'll make brownies and jello. Sometimes I'll even pretend to be the Joker while she pretends to be Batman (that's usually only if I got sufficient sleep though!) Other times I'll hold her hand while she cries, or simply go sit by her and ask her what's wrong when she's not playing with everyone else at the park. Then I'll get about a week's worth of calories burned off chasing her and her siblings around the slides and swings. I wouldn't trade what I do for anything.
According to Anne Shirley (my idol in every way) "We love best the people who need us." Whether it's little girls like Ellie, Molly, Brooke, or Annamarie, or BIG girls like Megan or Christal, I find myself drawn to them simply because I know that they need me. And in the end, I need them just as much. The little ones may not realize it, but as I'm spending my days with them in the summer, they are pouring into me just as much as I'm pouring into them. Not even just because I'm a "mom in training" or a "teacher in training" but because they give a sense of purpose to my days. I think when we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on others we come to an even deeper understanding of what true joy and fulfillment can be.
Am I already looking forward to summer? Maybe a little bit. But for now I'm enjoying the moment and not thinking too much about summer. Because like a lot of things in life, it will come before I know it :)
I was wandering around, trying to find someone to talk to after service, and saw this little face in the crowd! Ellie is my high school track coach's daughter, and I've been watching her and her two older sisters for the last few summers off an on. I held out my arms to little Ellie and she just ran toward me and gave me a big hug. I don't know about you, but I think hugs from kids are the best. Kids don't give hugs just to give hugs, they give hugs because they actually mean them! Seeing Ellie's eyes light up when she saw me reminded me just how much I mean to this little girl. She rattled on and on about her halloween costume, her stashed away candy, and even her cool-aid dyed hair! She was just a whirlwind of smiles. She turned to her mom and said "Mooooom, we should have Mary babysit again." I felt sad as her mom had to explain that I was gone away at college and wouldn't be home for another month. Ellie's face fell instantly. I know that Ellie looks up to me in a lot of ways. She knows that I care about her and that I'll pay attention to her even when her sisters and brother won't. She knows I'm not afraid to be crazy with her and dance around the kitchen. I'll make brownies and jello. Sometimes I'll even pretend to be the Joker while she pretends to be Batman (that's usually only if I got sufficient sleep though!) Other times I'll hold her hand while she cries, or simply go sit by her and ask her what's wrong when she's not playing with everyone else at the park. Then I'll get about a week's worth of calories burned off chasing her and her siblings around the slides and swings. I wouldn't trade what I do for anything.
According to Anne Shirley (my idol in every way) "We love best the people who need us." Whether it's little girls like Ellie, Molly, Brooke, or Annamarie, or BIG girls like Megan or Christal, I find myself drawn to them simply because I know that they need me. And in the end, I need them just as much. The little ones may not realize it, but as I'm spending my days with them in the summer, they are pouring into me just as much as I'm pouring into them. Not even just because I'm a "mom in training" or a "teacher in training" but because they give a sense of purpose to my days. I think when we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on others we come to an even deeper understanding of what true joy and fulfillment can be.
Am I already looking forward to summer? Maybe a little bit. But for now I'm enjoying the moment and not thinking too much about summer. Because like a lot of things in life, it will come before I know it :)
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