It's now week three into my second semester at college, and so far it's been hard to compare to the first semester because my classes and schedule are so completely different. That's one thing about college; things never stay the same for long. I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. I mean it's taking a while to adjust to life here at school again. For one thing, saying goodbye to my family this time as they dropped me off was even harder than when they left me in the summer. It was hard because I had just spent three weeks getting used to being taken care of by them and surrounded by them again. Then I had to re-grow up. Oh, and then there's the simple fact that I just plain old miss them. I miss the normal way things go around my house; the routine and simplicity of it all. But like I was saying in an earlier post, when I'm at home, I miss school, and when I'm at home, I miss school. It's sort of a sad little circle sometimes! But God's just using this to teach me to be content wherever He puts me.
This concept really challenged me last weekend when my old high school jazz band came to my school to play in the annual jazz blast. Here's what I anticipated: The kids would be nice to me and have fun with me, but there would be a definite divide between them and me. Here's what actually happened: I got a hug from almost everyone as they walked in and spent the day showing them my new home and playing piano with Parco just like we did every day during advisory last year. They (especially the seniors) treated me like nothing had changed and I hadn't been gone for months. I was having so much fun with them that I almost, almost forgot that I wasn't actually a part of the group anymore. That just messed with my emotions all day long.
Being the amazing jazz band that they are, my high school won the competition and got to play with my new college jazz band at the night concert. That's when I fully grasped the fact that they were playing in a different band from me. I could no longer watch Mr. Gottwig's face as he conducted, make faces at Parco as she played piano, or be a part of the group that grew and changed me so much over the years in high school. It was hard watching them perform from my backstage seat. But after both their band and my band played I made an even sadder realization. That was the last time my brother and I would ever share a stage. Ever. Then I started to cry. And I didn't stop. So yet again (no this hasn't been the first time), my poor parents had to drive a teary eyed Mary back to the dorm after the concert. They probably thought I was a mental case that night. But I'm simply still trying to figure out how to grow up. Part of my heart is still back in high school with my brothers, my band, my track team, and countless other people and groups that have played a major part in the person I am today. But at the same time that other part of my heart has moved on and grown to love everyone here.
Needless to say, it's been a bit of a rocky start to my second semester, but all in all I'm enjoying my new schedule. I'm also enjoying going running again in the mornings. I started running about this time last year, but gave it up during the summer. With the new year though, I started up again. Just like last time, it's been a great way to manage stress and help give me a little stability to every day. It's also been really fun and a good way for me to run off excess energy that you all know I have plenty of.
Right now I'm looking forward to this weekend and getting to spend some time on Sunday with my family. I wish they could take me home with them on Friday, but that isn't in the cards this time. At this point though, I'll take any time with them I can have!
Like I said earlier, lately God's been teaching me a lot with contentment. No matter where I am, I need to be willing to live life to the fullest and not wish for things to be different. I need to be content when I'm at school, I need to be content when I'm at home, I need to be content that I've moved on past high school and to the next chapter of life, I need to be content that God has me just where he wants me right here and right now, and I need to be content knowing that everything that has happened in the past is all part of his plan. As David Grayson (no idea who he is, but he must be a wise man) puts it, Contentment comes as the infallible result of great acceptances, great humilities--of not trying to make ourselves this or that, but of surrendering ourselves to the fullness of life--of letting life flow through us.
Can I get an amen??
:)
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