Hi! It's almost been three months since my last update! Oops. Funny story about that: I've actually made two or three attempts at writing a post, but I've gotten lost in my own words, and I ended up confusing myself even more. See, I have a lot going on in my heart, but sometimes it's just hard to put it all into words. People ask how I'm doing, and I try my very best to tell them as much as I can. Answering the "how are you doing" question has gotten harder as the years go on. That's frustrating for me because I usually have no trouble whatsoever talking about, well, anything. But, this is going to be me giving it my best shot.
Much of this semester has boiled down to trust. Do you ever have those times when you give something over to God, you entrust it to Him completely, and He proves His faithfulness by providing in a situation? Often times in a better way then you could ever imagine? I love it when that happens. I love being able to tell the stories of God's faithfulness. Even if sometimes I'm not even telling the story to anyone, I'm just reminding my own heart of His goodness.
It's been a while since I've really been struck by God's faithfulness in a situation though. That doesn't mean that I don't think He's working through things in my life, but it just means that for right now, it just is hard to see beyond the present struggles. Sometimes I'm left wondering how it's going to all work out. Because at this point, I know that God is the only one who is strong enough or powerful enough to bring me through things.
So we're back at trust. Do I really trust God that He will be faithful? Do I really believe that, just like He has in the past, He will come through? He won't leave me, nor forsake me? He knows everything that I need? And He actually WANTS to give me the desires of my heart? I think I know the answers to those questions. I think the next step in my journey is just remembering God's faithfulness each day. And never ceasing in prayer. Putting my focus on God, and remembering that He is in control. Looking forward to the day that I can look back on this time of my life and say, just like I have been able to do before, God is faithful, and he knows what He is doing. Life is a journey. And for now, I think my eyes need to be fixed on God and not worrying about anything because no place is safer than the arms of Jesus.
These verses have really been speaking to me lately:
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles." Matthew 6:33-34
So, as I finish this semester, I'm embarking on this journey of trust yet again. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle everything again. And I'm oh so thankful that between the people God has placed in my life, and God Himself, I will NEVER be alone. --Miss Mary Sunshine, over and out!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
A New Year
It's official. I have made it through the summer! This is my last night at home, my last night before I move back to school. I'm just lying on my bed, looking around at my room, and wondering what this year is going to hold. And now that I just typed that, I'm really, really wondering!!
It seems like every year, God shows up and does amazing things in my life! He often likes to surprise me with blessings. He also likes to throw surprise curves into my well-planned paths. But through each year, I have grown closer to Him, and that is the ultimate goal. I have no doubt this year will be the same.
The second half of this summer proved to be a lot less bumpy than the first. I sort of figured out how to live at home again, and things got into a schedule and routine. But as the numbers in my countdown to go back to school got smaller and smaller, I got restless. I mean, this past week has been nothing but a roller coaster of nerves, excitement, and bottled up energy. But at the same time, I sort of didn't realize that I'm actually leaving home tomorrow morning. About an hour ago (as I was writing the second paragraph), I suddenly looked out the window as it was getting darker. I realized that this was my last night to just bike around town. So I jumped out of bed, unhooked my bike from the carrier on the van, and peddled around Farmington for the last time. I just got to thank God in advance for all He is going to do in my life and in the lives of those around me this year. It was sort of my way of saying goodbye to this place.
Then I came back and faced the wrath of my grumpy dad who had to go put the bike back on the car. But it's ok because he loves me :)
Year number two at Northwestern! Bring it on!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Priceless
There are certain things in life that you just can't put a price on. I think everyone can agree with that. And to put it like good ol' Pooh would, "Sometimes it's the smallest things that take up the most room in your heart."
This past week I got to go spend a time with Miss Megan and her family up in northern Wisconsin and the upper peninsula of Michigan. I don't know if you've ever been to northern Wisconsin before, but it is seriously like another world up there! The wide open fields and busy highways of the south metro transformed into forests and deserted dirt roads before my very eyes as I traveled north.
As I breathed in the Wisconsin air and took time to relax this week, I realized just how important the little things are to me. Things like, bonfires (the kind that no one feels the need to talk during), swimming, catching frogs, staring up at the stars, hearing the wind whisper through pine trees, hugs (the best friend kind), watching almost an entire season of I Love Lucy, friendship tea in matching zebra and giraffe mugs, laughing, smiling, making food, drinking coffee, playing music, sleeping till 10 (or maybe 12), picking rascalberries, discovering that you actually have 17 different possible nicknames, and just the simple pleasure of remembering that your far-away friend does actually exist in a world apart from your phone or your computer.
If anyone has been paying the slightest bit of attention to this blog of mine, they'd be able to read and see that God's been changing me a lot in this past year. Things haven't always been easy, or happy, or fun. And even though those difficult times are still merely a fraction compared to the good times, because of those hard things, I've learned to rely on God to get me through when it's been too hard to stand on my own.
Even though our deepest reliance should always be on God, even God knows that we need friends on this side of heaven too. I am so thankful that about exactly a year ago, I started to get to know Megan. A year ago I was already praying for her achey back, and she was already praying for my trumpet audition. And that was before we'd ever even met. A whole year later, I can say that I am still amazed that God chose to bless me with such a faithful, loving, trustworthy, grounded-in-Christ friend like her...because I haven't always deserved it. Oh yeah, that's where that faithful part comes in. She is such a blessing in my life and in the lives of others. Her friendship is one that is priceless to me.
This past week I got to go spend a time with Miss Megan and her family up in northern Wisconsin and the upper peninsula of Michigan. I don't know if you've ever been to northern Wisconsin before, but it is seriously like another world up there! The wide open fields and busy highways of the south metro transformed into forests and deserted dirt roads before my very eyes as I traveled north.
As I breathed in the Wisconsin air and took time to relax this week, I realized just how important the little things are to me. Things like, bonfires (the kind that no one feels the need to talk during), swimming, catching frogs, staring up at the stars, hearing the wind whisper through pine trees, hugs (the best friend kind), watching almost an entire season of I Love Lucy, friendship tea in matching zebra and giraffe mugs, laughing, smiling, making food, drinking coffee, playing music, sleeping till 10 (or maybe 12), picking rascalberries, discovering that you actually have 17 different possible nicknames, and just the simple pleasure of remembering that your far-away friend does actually exist in a world apart from your phone or your computer.
If anyone has been paying the slightest bit of attention to this blog of mine, they'd be able to read and see that God's been changing me a lot in this past year. Things haven't always been easy, or happy, or fun. And even though those difficult times are still merely a fraction compared to the good times, because of those hard things, I've learned to rely on God to get me through when it's been too hard to stand on my own.
Even though our deepest reliance should always be on God, even God knows that we need friends on this side of heaven too. I am so thankful that about exactly a year ago, I started to get to know Megan. A year ago I was already praying for her achey back, and she was already praying for my trumpet audition. And that was before we'd ever even met. A whole year later, I can say that I am still amazed that God chose to bless me with such a faithful, loving, trustworthy, grounded-in-Christ friend like her...because I haven't always deserved it. Oh yeah, that's where that faithful part comes in. She is such a blessing in my life and in the lives of others. Her friendship is one that is priceless to me.
Want to hear more about my week up north? Well, sorry because I probably already told too much. There are just some things that only my best friend and I will ever know about ;)
Friday, June 29, 2012
A Change of Wind -- Being Blown back to God :)
The way I see it, my summer has been divided into three chunks. First half, intermission/a week in Wisconsin, and second half. First half is almost over, and I'm still not sure whether this summer is passing by quickly or slowly for me. Maybe it's a little bit of both.
I think I'm officially in the swing of things back here at home. I have re-acclimated to my family's eating schedule (as my mom was so kind to point out to me tonight). No longer do I eat lunch at 1 or 2 and round it off with dinner at 6:30. I'm finding myself hungry for lunch at 11, and I'm hungrily leaning over the upstairs balcony at exactly 5:20, smelling to see if dinner is ready!
My neighbors have also gotten used to my presence again. Now they just smile and wave at me as I run or bike past their houses four or five times a day. And who could miss the trumpet? Yes, the noisy neighborhood musician is back. And when the windows are open, they all get a free concert! I must have toned it down a little though because two doors down, my neighbor actually thought I played the flute... Still not sure what to think about that one.
So, other than running, and biking, and trumpeting, I have been filling the rest of my time up with working and studying. I am never taking summer classes again. Ever. If I can at all help it at least. Summers are not meant for learning. It's as simple as that!
Well, summers aren't meant for textbook learning. I have been learning this summer because I asked God to keep teaching me stuff this summer. I was a little afraid He would push the pause button on my growth and just wait to hit play until September. But if there's one thing I learned and learned fast it's this: when you ask God to keep teaching you things, He will not leave you wanting. I mean there have been times these last few weeks that I have pleaded with God to show me what the heck He is doing! It's that old saying come true, "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."
The way God has been growing me is almost too hard to put into words. It's been hard, even painful at times. There were days where the doubts and worries nearly swallowed me whole. But it's because of those doubts and worries that I learned to grow. I learned to depend on God's promises and God's promises alone to sustain me. Without all the struggle and fear, I would not have found a deeper trust in God. I would never have been forced to rely on him so completely.
Sometimes all I can do is thank God for the difficulties because if the end result is anything like I hope it will be, I cannot be thankful enough for the hardship. Just as it says in James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Not lacking in anything?! Now, that's the kind of promise that I could get excited about :)
I think I'm officially in the swing of things back here at home. I have re-acclimated to my family's eating schedule (as my mom was so kind to point out to me tonight). No longer do I eat lunch at 1 or 2 and round it off with dinner at 6:30. I'm finding myself hungry for lunch at 11, and I'm hungrily leaning over the upstairs balcony at exactly 5:20, smelling to see if dinner is ready!
My neighbors have also gotten used to my presence again. Now they just smile and wave at me as I run or bike past their houses four or five times a day. And who could miss the trumpet? Yes, the noisy neighborhood musician is back. And when the windows are open, they all get a free concert! I must have toned it down a little though because two doors down, my neighbor actually thought I played the flute... Still not sure what to think about that one.
So, other than running, and biking, and trumpeting, I have been filling the rest of my time up with working and studying. I am never taking summer classes again. Ever. If I can at all help it at least. Summers are not meant for learning. It's as simple as that!
Well, summers aren't meant for textbook learning. I have been learning this summer because I asked God to keep teaching me stuff this summer. I was a little afraid He would push the pause button on my growth and just wait to hit play until September. But if there's one thing I learned and learned fast it's this: when you ask God to keep teaching you things, He will not leave you wanting. I mean there have been times these last few weeks that I have pleaded with God to show me what the heck He is doing! It's that old saying come true, "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."
The way God has been growing me is almost too hard to put into words. It's been hard, even painful at times. There were days where the doubts and worries nearly swallowed me whole. But it's because of those doubts and worries that I learned to grow. I learned to depend on God's promises and God's promises alone to sustain me. Without all the struggle and fear, I would not have found a deeper trust in God. I would never have been forced to rely on him so completely.
Sometimes all I can do is thank God for the difficulties because if the end result is anything like I hope it will be, I cannot be thankful enough for the hardship. Just as it says in James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Not lacking in anything?! Now, that's the kind of promise that I could get excited about :)
Sunday, May 27, 2012
A Change of Wind -- Being Blown Back Home :)
As you may already know by now, I'm officially back home for the summer! And as of about 4:00 this afternoon, I'm officially all moved in! It only took five days. My excuse is that I just got back from band tour to New York and Philadelphia. So not only did I have stuff from college to put back in order, but I also had a week's worth of a messy suitcase to figure out! I'm sure glad everything is back in order in my room though, and I think my mom is too because this house is entering into lockdown mode as we get ready for Ben's grad party next weekend. I'm almost afraid to leave my room for fear of creating a mess my mom will have to clean up!
But that's about as exciting as it's gotten around here since I've been back. For the most part, my parents have been at work and my brothers have been at school. That leaves me and the dog here at home for the daytime. I've needed the quiet though. When I first got back home from saying goodbye to everyone at school, I ran up to my room with Lizzy and just sat on my bed. The only noise I could hear was the ringing in my ears from the constant chatter and music I'd been surrounded by for the past, well, four months. For the first time, I was alone.
When I was younger, I always loved the wind because it felt so awesome and powerful. And as I've gotten older, I still love it because it reminds me that God is powerful and He is always in control no matter what the circumstance. It just so happened that my first two days of being back home were some of the windiest days yet this year. I just felt this overwhelming presence of God as the wind blew through my house. Yeah, by this point I'm starting to miss school a little bit, and I definitely miss the people I've gotten to know this year, but I'm excited to see what God's going to do in me and in others this summer.
If there's one thing I could say I learned while I was on tour, it's this: God is sovereign. When worry starts to take over and I lose focus of what's really important, I've been getting better about turning to God in prayer instead of freaking out. I mean really, my worrying does nothing to help any situation. God's the one who's in control of it all, and He isn't going to let anything happen that He doesn't want to have happen. I often forget that and lose my trust in God and in others because of it. My friends will tell you that I'm definitely not perfect at this whole "not worrying" thing! And my family will tell you that it's been a struggle for me ever since I was a little girl! But it's a process. It's always a process. And it's a process that I know I'll still be working through for a long time, but I'm already seeing how far God's brought me in this process. That brings me back to Philippians 1:6 where it says "But we can be confident of this, that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
God's not finished with me yet! And even though the wind is changing, and it might be hard at times, I choose to trust Him.
But that's about as exciting as it's gotten around here since I've been back. For the most part, my parents have been at work and my brothers have been at school. That leaves me and the dog here at home for the daytime. I've needed the quiet though. When I first got back home from saying goodbye to everyone at school, I ran up to my room with Lizzy and just sat on my bed. The only noise I could hear was the ringing in my ears from the constant chatter and music I'd been surrounded by for the past, well, four months. For the first time, I was alone.
When I was younger, I always loved the wind because it felt so awesome and powerful. And as I've gotten older, I still love it because it reminds me that God is powerful and He is always in control no matter what the circumstance. It just so happened that my first two days of being back home were some of the windiest days yet this year. I just felt this overwhelming presence of God as the wind blew through my house. Yeah, by this point I'm starting to miss school a little bit, and I definitely miss the people I've gotten to know this year, but I'm excited to see what God's going to do in me and in others this summer.
If there's one thing I could say I learned while I was on tour, it's this: God is sovereign. When worry starts to take over and I lose focus of what's really important, I've been getting better about turning to God in prayer instead of freaking out. I mean really, my worrying does nothing to help any situation. God's the one who's in control of it all, and He isn't going to let anything happen that He doesn't want to have happen. I often forget that and lose my trust in God and in others because of it. My friends will tell you that I'm definitely not perfect at this whole "not worrying" thing! And my family will tell you that it's been a struggle for me ever since I was a little girl! But it's a process. It's always a process. And it's a process that I know I'll still be working through for a long time, but I'm already seeing how far God's brought me in this process. That brings me back to Philippians 1:6 where it says "But we can be confident of this, that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
God's not finished with me yet! And even though the wind is changing, and it might be hard at times, I choose to trust Him.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
You Stay the Same
So here I am. Only one more week of classes left. So now I have to face the last challenge of the year: saying goodbye.
As I look back over the past year, I wonder where it all went. I think it's partly because this winter was so weird and warm, but it feels like fall simply turned into spring and caught me by surprise.
I've tried five times to write this blog post, but it's been really hard to find the words for this one because there's a lot of conflict inside of me. There have been times in the past few weeks where God has literally just had to break me apart in order to start healing me, and that's hard to talk about. Maybe summer is exactly what I need to simply step away from things for a while. Mostly though, my heart is just filled with thankfulness for the blessings God has given me despite my mistakes and shortcomings. It's wonderful that God doesn't bless me according to what I deserve because I sure wouldn't be left with much!
So now as I'm looking towards summer, I am thankful for all the things I've come to know and love this year: the people, the places, and everything else that I'm going to miss for three months this summer. I don't think a single day has passed by while I've been here that I haven't thanked God for this place. Not every day has been easy or even fun, but at the end of it all, I am still able to tell God how grateful I am for how He's working in and through me.
So what has God been teaching me as I'm preparing to say goodbye for a few months? I keep being brought back to James 1 where it says:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:2-5
I also keep coming to Hebrews 13:8 where it says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
These verses tell me that I'm not a finished product. Ever. If I am, that's a problem! God should always be working me and changing me into a person who brings Him more honor and glory. I'll always have work to be done inside of me. But even while God is changing me or changing everything around me, there is one thing I can count on: God will never change. NEVER. The world may fall away, but He will remain the same.
As I leave from this place, I'm going to cling to that promise. :)
As I look back over the past year, I wonder where it all went. I think it's partly because this winter was so weird and warm, but it feels like fall simply turned into spring and caught me by surprise.
I've tried five times to write this blog post, but it's been really hard to find the words for this one because there's a lot of conflict inside of me. There have been times in the past few weeks where God has literally just had to break me apart in order to start healing me, and that's hard to talk about. Maybe summer is exactly what I need to simply step away from things for a while. Mostly though, my heart is just filled with thankfulness for the blessings God has given me despite my mistakes and shortcomings. It's wonderful that God doesn't bless me according to what I deserve because I sure wouldn't be left with much!
So now as I'm looking towards summer, I am thankful for all the things I've come to know and love this year: the people, the places, and everything else that I'm going to miss for three months this summer. I don't think a single day has passed by while I've been here that I haven't thanked God for this place. Not every day has been easy or even fun, but at the end of it all, I am still able to tell God how grateful I am for how He's working in and through me.
So what has God been teaching me as I'm preparing to say goodbye for a few months? I keep being brought back to James 1 where it says:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:2-5
I also keep coming to Hebrews 13:8 where it says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
These verses tell me that I'm not a finished product. Ever. If I am, that's a problem! God should always be working me and changing me into a person who brings Him more honor and glory. I'll always have work to be done inside of me. But even while God is changing me or changing everything around me, there is one thing I can count on: God will never change. NEVER. The world may fall away, but He will remain the same.
As I leave from this place, I'm going to cling to that promise. :)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Spring has Sprung
I realize that the last time I posted was, well, a long time ago. But then I realized that the main reason I post on this thing is to sort of process things I'm learning being away from home. In a way, I've been just settling in. I wouldn't say that I've figured out life here, but things here are just starting to seem more normal as opposed to weird, different, or hard.
Wait, did I say things weren't hard? I didn't mean that. While a lot of things are starting to settle in, the challenges with living here are still new and, quite frankly, more challenging than ever. A lot of times, there is no right or wrong answer to a problem. The answer of what to do isn't always in black and white. Sometimes there isn't even an answer that has any good in it, and no matter what I choose, things will be bad. I strongly dislike those sorts of problems, and it seems like this semester has been filled with them.
When there isn't an answer, and I can't reason around these problems, that's where I've been learning to go to God. Even if I don't know how to solve a problem, He is there to give me wisdom, peace, and comfort. Even if things don't seem ok, I know God will never send anything my way that He knows I can't handle. I've been learning to trust Him in a much deeper way, knowing that only He provides the kind of peace I seek.
God has been so good in many ways this week. It's like He flipped the switch from winter (if you could even call these last six months winter) to summer in only a matter of days. And as the temperature rises campus comes alive with people emerging from their dorm dens. There is just so much joy in everyone around me, I haven't been able to do anything except smile this whole week! My joy has come from a deeper peace than I have had in long time (and the weather too I suppose). Because just as God has been changing this weather, He has also been changing me. Things are different now, but life comes in seasons, and even though trusting God can be hard through these seasons of change, I've come to realize that life isn't always about knowing the big picture of God's plan. It's just about trusting God to be there with you each step of the way.
Wait, did I say things weren't hard? I didn't mean that. While a lot of things are starting to settle in, the challenges with living here are still new and, quite frankly, more challenging than ever. A lot of times, there is no right or wrong answer to a problem. The answer of what to do isn't always in black and white. Sometimes there isn't even an answer that has any good in it, and no matter what I choose, things will be bad. I strongly dislike those sorts of problems, and it seems like this semester has been filled with them.
When there isn't an answer, and I can't reason around these problems, that's where I've been learning to go to God. Even if I don't know how to solve a problem, He is there to give me wisdom, peace, and comfort. Even if things don't seem ok, I know God will never send anything my way that He knows I can't handle. I've been learning to trust Him in a much deeper way, knowing that only He provides the kind of peace I seek.
God has been so good in many ways this week. It's like He flipped the switch from winter (if you could even call these last six months winter) to summer in only a matter of days. And as the temperature rises campus comes alive with people emerging from their dorm dens. There is just so much joy in everyone around me, I haven't been able to do anything except smile this whole week! My joy has come from a deeper peace than I have had in long time (and the weather too I suppose). Because just as God has been changing this weather, He has also been changing me. Things are different now, but life comes in seasons, and even though trusting God can be hard through these seasons of change, I've come to realize that life isn't always about knowing the big picture of God's plan. It's just about trusting God to be there with you each step of the way.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Days Gone By
It's now week three into my second semester at college, and so far it's been hard to compare to the first semester because my classes and schedule are so completely different. That's one thing about college; things never stay the same for long. I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. I mean it's taking a while to adjust to life here at school again. For one thing, saying goodbye to my family this time as they dropped me off was even harder than when they left me in the summer. It was hard because I had just spent three weeks getting used to being taken care of by them and surrounded by them again. Then I had to re-grow up. Oh, and then there's the simple fact that I just plain old miss them. I miss the normal way things go around my house; the routine and simplicity of it all. But like I was saying in an earlier post, when I'm at home, I miss school, and when I'm at home, I miss school. It's sort of a sad little circle sometimes! But God's just using this to teach me to be content wherever He puts me.
This concept really challenged me last weekend when my old high school jazz band came to my school to play in the annual jazz blast. Here's what I anticipated: The kids would be nice to me and have fun with me, but there would be a definite divide between them and me. Here's what actually happened: I got a hug from almost everyone as they walked in and spent the day showing them my new home and playing piano with Parco just like we did every day during advisory last year. They (especially the seniors) treated me like nothing had changed and I hadn't been gone for months. I was having so much fun with them that I almost, almost forgot that I wasn't actually a part of the group anymore. That just messed with my emotions all day long.
Being the amazing jazz band that they are, my high school won the competition and got to play with my new college jazz band at the night concert. That's when I fully grasped the fact that they were playing in a different band from me. I could no longer watch Mr. Gottwig's face as he conducted, make faces at Parco as she played piano, or be a part of the group that grew and changed me so much over the years in high school. It was hard watching them perform from my backstage seat. But after both their band and my band played I made an even sadder realization. That was the last time my brother and I would ever share a stage. Ever. Then I started to cry. And I didn't stop. So yet again (no this hasn't been the first time), my poor parents had to drive a teary eyed Mary back to the dorm after the concert. They probably thought I was a mental case that night. But I'm simply still trying to figure out how to grow up. Part of my heart is still back in high school with my brothers, my band, my track team, and countless other people and groups that have played a major part in the person I am today. But at the same time that other part of my heart has moved on and grown to love everyone here.
Needless to say, it's been a bit of a rocky start to my second semester, but all in all I'm enjoying my new schedule. I'm also enjoying going running again in the mornings. I started running about this time last year, but gave it up during the summer. With the new year though, I started up again. Just like last time, it's been a great way to manage stress and help give me a little stability to every day. It's also been really fun and a good way for me to run off excess energy that you all know I have plenty of.
Right now I'm looking forward to this weekend and getting to spend some time on Sunday with my family. I wish they could take me home with them on Friday, but that isn't in the cards this time. At this point though, I'll take any time with them I can have!
Like I said earlier, lately God's been teaching me a lot with contentment. No matter where I am, I need to be willing to live life to the fullest and not wish for things to be different. I need to be content when I'm at school, I need to be content when I'm at home, I need to be content that I've moved on past high school and to the next chapter of life, I need to be content that God has me just where he wants me right here and right now, and I need to be content knowing that everything that has happened in the past is all part of his plan. As David Grayson (no idea who he is, but he must be a wise man) puts it, Contentment comes as the infallible result of great acceptances, great humilities--of not trying to make ourselves this or that, but of surrendering ourselves to the fullness of life--of letting life flow through us.
Can I get an amen??
:)
This concept really challenged me last weekend when my old high school jazz band came to my school to play in the annual jazz blast. Here's what I anticipated: The kids would be nice to me and have fun with me, but there would be a definite divide between them and me. Here's what actually happened: I got a hug from almost everyone as they walked in and spent the day showing them my new home and playing piano with Parco just like we did every day during advisory last year. They (especially the seniors) treated me like nothing had changed and I hadn't been gone for months. I was having so much fun with them that I almost, almost forgot that I wasn't actually a part of the group anymore. That just messed with my emotions all day long.
Being the amazing jazz band that they are, my high school won the competition and got to play with my new college jazz band at the night concert. That's when I fully grasped the fact that they were playing in a different band from me. I could no longer watch Mr. Gottwig's face as he conducted, make faces at Parco as she played piano, or be a part of the group that grew and changed me so much over the years in high school. It was hard watching them perform from my backstage seat. But after both their band and my band played I made an even sadder realization. That was the last time my brother and I would ever share a stage. Ever. Then I started to cry. And I didn't stop. So yet again (no this hasn't been the first time), my poor parents had to drive a teary eyed Mary back to the dorm after the concert. They probably thought I was a mental case that night. But I'm simply still trying to figure out how to grow up. Part of my heart is still back in high school with my brothers, my band, my track team, and countless other people and groups that have played a major part in the person I am today. But at the same time that other part of my heart has moved on and grown to love everyone here.
Needless to say, it's been a bit of a rocky start to my second semester, but all in all I'm enjoying my new schedule. I'm also enjoying going running again in the mornings. I started running about this time last year, but gave it up during the summer. With the new year though, I started up again. Just like last time, it's been a great way to manage stress and help give me a little stability to every day. It's also been really fun and a good way for me to run off excess energy that you all know I have plenty of.
Right now I'm looking forward to this weekend and getting to spend some time on Sunday with my family. I wish they could take me home with them on Friday, but that isn't in the cards this time. At this point though, I'll take any time with them I can have!
Like I said earlier, lately God's been teaching me a lot with contentment. No matter where I am, I need to be willing to live life to the fullest and not wish for things to be different. I need to be content when I'm at school, I need to be content when I'm at home, I need to be content that I've moved on past high school and to the next chapter of life, I need to be content that God has me just where he wants me right here and right now, and I need to be content knowing that everything that has happened in the past is all part of his plan. As David Grayson (no idea who he is, but he must be a wise man) puts it, Contentment comes as the infallible result of great acceptances, great humilities--of not trying to make ourselves this or that, but of surrendering ourselves to the fullness of life--of letting life flow through us.
Can I get an amen??
:)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Christmas Time
I'm officially nearing the end of the longest Christmas break I have ever experienced. Right now I'm sitting in a cute coffee shop in Northern Wisconsin looking out over a snowy lake. That's right, amazing as it seems, snow is actually a concept when you go four and a half hours northeast! I'm enjoying being surrounded by big trees and lakes. It's refreshingly peaceful up here.
Going home for Christmas was so different this year. In high school I always had some sort of project to do, paper to write, or test to study for over break, but this year was truly a break. I had literally nothing that needed to be done. Because of that, both I and my entire family spent much needed time with countless friends. It seemed like every day there was a different person to see and talk to. This was both a blessing and a struggle for me. I absolutely love being busy and having people surrounding me, but at the same time, there were days where I just wanted to sit in the den and read a book all the while listening to my mom baking in the kitchen, Daniel screaming at the Packer game in the basement, my dad making corny jokes, or Ben playing the piano in the living room.
However, most days that didn't happen. I'm not sure I minded though because I got to spend time with people that I just don't see anymore. That was such a treat.
As a Christmas present for Ben, a friend and I brought Jasmine home from Colorado for a huge surprise. I've never seen him so speechless in my whole life when she popped out from inside his closet! Of course, Ben still had school during the day, so Jasmine and I got some coloring, talking, and face painting done. It was so fun to see her. I think she and I had almost as much fun together as she and Ben. Almost :) It was sad to see her go, but I think a road trip to Colorado is in the near future for Ben and me.
The day after Christmas, we got to spend time with cousins. I always appreciate the time we get to spend with them. The older they get and the older we get, the more we can do together. And as you can see, this picture was taken December 26th. We were all coat-less and enjoying the warm weather and taking our very first cousin-only walk.
I also got to see this lovely lady twice! Once at our trumpet sleepover and once for our traditional pancake breakfast and adventure (which this time, due to injuries, only ended up being a walk down the path by my house). I wouldn't trade sister talks with Emma for anything.
All in all, even though this break was busy with even more people than I mentioned, it was lovely. It was a good kind of busy that filled me up and reminded me of how special these friends are to my family and me. By this point however, I'm ready to get back to school and get back to my regular routine. But for now, I'm enjoying the views up in Northern Wisconsin as well as the company of two special people that I've been missing for three weeks, so I think I can wait a few more days to get back to the busyness of life. :)
Going home for Christmas was so different this year. In high school I always had some sort of project to do, paper to write, or test to study for over break, but this year was truly a break. I had literally nothing that needed to be done. Because of that, both I and my entire family spent much needed time with countless friends. It seemed like every day there was a different person to see and talk to. This was both a blessing and a struggle for me. I absolutely love being busy and having people surrounding me, but at the same time, there were days where I just wanted to sit in the den and read a book all the while listening to my mom baking in the kitchen, Daniel screaming at the Packer game in the basement, my dad making corny jokes, or Ben playing the piano in the living room.
However, most days that didn't happen. I'm not sure I minded though because I got to spend time with people that I just don't see anymore. That was such a treat.
As a Christmas present for Ben, a friend and I brought Jasmine home from Colorado for a huge surprise. I've never seen him so speechless in my whole life when she popped out from inside his closet! Of course, Ben still had school during the day, so Jasmine and I got some coloring, talking, and face painting done. It was so fun to see her. I think she and I had almost as much fun together as she and Ben. Almost :) It was sad to see her go, but I think a road trip to Colorado is in the near future for Ben and me.
The day after Christmas, we got to spend time with cousins. I always appreciate the time we get to spend with them. The older they get and the older we get, the more we can do together. And as you can see, this picture was taken December 26th. We were all coat-less and enjoying the warm weather and taking our very first cousin-only walk.
I also got to see this lovely lady twice! Once at our trumpet sleepover and once for our traditional pancake breakfast and adventure (which this time, due to injuries, only ended up being a walk down the path by my house). I wouldn't trade sister talks with Emma for anything.
All in all, even though this break was busy with even more people than I mentioned, it was lovely. It was a good kind of busy that filled me up and reminded me of how special these friends are to my family and me. By this point however, I'm ready to get back to school and get back to my regular routine. But for now, I'm enjoying the views up in Northern Wisconsin as well as the company of two special people that I've been missing for three weeks, so I think I can wait a few more days to get back to the busyness of life. :)
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