A Season of Thanks

Even though it is now past Thanksgiving, I feel the need for one more "thankful" post for someone I truly love and admire in a lot of ways--my big sister, Emma.

When I was little, some of the first prayers I remember saying to God consisted of me begging him for a baby sister.  Instead I wound up with two baby brothers.  Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled about that.  God had a different plan in mind though, and while he never gave me a "real" sister, he has given me sisters at heart, Emma being one of the dearest to me.

There are many reasons why Emma is so special to me.  Through every year in high school, she was a person I could turn to with anything.  She was a stronghold for me in times of stress or in times when I just didn't know what to do.  She had a listening ear for everything.  She shared a love for music with me, and she struggled with me to fill some pretty big shoes when we took over the trumpet section together.  She's laughed with me, cried with me, and been there with me through many hard changes and situations. Like all sisters, we fought, but in the end, we came out stronger because of it.

These are all things from high school though.  One of the biggest things about Emma I'm thankful for today is the fact that even though I don't see her five times a day anymore, little has changed.  I might only see her five times a year now, but every time we get together we pick right up from where we left off.  Life has moved on from the days of high school for both of us, but I'm thankful that God has allowed us to stay "kindred spirits."  Some of my favorite high school memories were made with Emma, and through her friendship I've grown so much.  I can't begin to tell you how much fun we've had together over the last five years.  From being my locker buddy back in 7th grade all the way to biking 30 miles with me the day before leaving for college (not advised by the way), she's what I'd call a "forever friend" and I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything.

Thank you God for answering my prayer. 

<3

Traditions

Tonight I'm thankful for Thanksgiving traditions.  This is the time of year when I truly appreciate it when everything is the same as it's always been.  I may be off at college now, but there are certain things that I know won't change this Christmas season.  For starters, I am painfully aware that I will be woken up at 5:30 a.m. Thursday morning to make the seven hour drive to Battle Creek, Nebraska.  I am definitely a morning person, but that's a little early for even me!  Nevertheless, going to Aunt Mary's house for Thanksgiving is a tradition that I wouldn't trade for anything.  This year especially I'll appreciate the time with my family.

Another tradition is breaking out the Christmas music.  Typically we add a new CD to the collection each year, but we still have the CDs that I listened to for as long as I can remember.  Anytime I hear Amy Grant or Mannheim Steamroller, I get this indescribable feeling inside of me.  It's like I'm a little girl again anticipating the magic of Christmas morning.  A couple of my newer favorite Christmas CDs are by Point of Grace.  They somehow did not survive the transfer from the family computer to my laptop this summer.  I actually went into panic mode last night, tearing apart the house looking for them to re-load them, only to find them twenty minutes later outside in the van.  Crisis was avoided, but narrowly.  Christmas without my music is un-imaginable.

Setting up the Christmas tree when we get back from Nebraska is an adventure each year.  We're lame and have one of those fake trees, so my dad and brothers get us started by putting all the branches in the right places.  Then my mom and whoever she can get to help her string up the lights.  This is the most stressful part because if any part of the light string doesn't light up, we have to put everything on hold and run to the hardware store and get more. After all of that boring stuff, we get to the fun part: ornaments.  We all sit together in the living room and my parents give my brothers and I each a gift bag.  We open these and inside is our new ornament for the year.  It's always fun seeing what creative things they pick out representing the year we've nearly completed.  The rest of the ornaments we've acquired over the years all go up haphazardly over the rest of the tree.  It isn't picture perfect by department store standards, but it's perfect in my eyes.  Those ornaments never change.  Each year they're the same, and I can count on that!  It's like getting to see an old friend again when I pull them out and hang them up.  That's probably a really bad analogy, but it's how I feel :)

The only thing that's different this year is that I won't get to enjoy the magic for as long.  I'll be going back to school a day after the tree gets up.  I'll be sad because I'll have to wait for two more weeks to actually feel like it's Christmas at the Cline house.  But I guess I'll be ok because I get to go back to school and see these lovely faces!  Did I mention how thankful I am for them, or how much I miss them??  They make it ok to go back :)

My Gift

Today I'm thankful for the gift God has given me in my love for kids.  I was so blessed this weekend.  I decided (rather last minute) to head home with my family after my band concert on Friday night.  I got to enjoy food from Mom, sleeping in my own bed, and some much needed peace and quiet (well as quiet as it ever gets with seemingly endless football games being broadcasted downstairs).  I also got to go back to my church for a visit.  The few times I have made it back this year, I haven't seen a friend in sight, but this time I saw a very special little friend who reminded me just why I do what I do.

I was wandering around, trying to find someone to talk to after service, and saw this little face in the crowd!  Ellie is my high school track coach's daughter, and I've been watching her and her two older sisters for the last few summers off an on.  I held out my arms to little Ellie and she just ran toward me and gave me a big hug.  I don't know about you, but I think hugs from kids are the best.  Kids don't give hugs just to give hugs, they give hugs because they actually mean them!  Seeing Ellie's eyes light up when she saw me reminded me just how much I mean to this little girl.  She rattled on and on about her halloween costume, her stashed away candy, and even her cool-aid dyed hair!  She was just a whirlwind of smiles.  She turned to her mom and said "Mooooom, we should have Mary babysit again."  I felt sad as her mom had to explain that I was gone away at college and wouldn't be home for another month.  Ellie's face fell instantly.   I know that Ellie looks up to me in a lot of ways.  She knows that I care about her and that I'll pay attention to her even when her sisters and brother won't.  She knows I'm not afraid to be crazy with her and dance around the kitchen.  I'll make brownies and jello.  Sometimes I'll even pretend to be the Joker while she pretends to be Batman (that's usually only if I got sufficient sleep though!)  Other times I'll hold her hand while she cries, or simply go sit by her and ask her what's wrong when she's not playing with everyone else at the park.  Then I'll get about a week's worth of calories burned off chasing her and her siblings around the slides and swings.  I wouldn't trade what I do for anything.

According to Anne Shirley (my idol in every way) "We love best the people who need us."  Whether it's little girls like Ellie, Molly, Brooke, or Annamarie, or BIG girls like Megan or Christal, I find myself drawn to them simply because I know that they need me. And in the end, I need them just as much.  The little ones may not realize it, but as I'm spending my days with them in the summer, they are pouring into me just as much as I'm pouring into them.  Not even just because I'm a "mom in training" or a "teacher in training" but because they give a sense of purpose to my days.  I think when we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on others we come to an even deeper understanding of what true joy and fulfillment can be.

Am I already looking forward to summer?  Maybe a little bit.  But for now I'm enjoying the moment and not thinking too much about summer.  Because like a lot of things in life, it will come before I know it :)

Breathing Again

Today I'm thankful for the fact that tomorrow is the last morning of speech class.  I honestly dreaded that class all summer long.  I'll mention again (two blogs in a row now) that I was homeschooled, and being homeschooled, I never had to take a speech class.  Who would I talk to?  The dog?  This class at college was the first time I'd had to get up in front of an audience and talk about something--all the while getting graded on how many "ums" came out of my mouth, how I just couldn't manage to stand still, or how somehow I managed to cut a nine minute speech down to just barely six minutes.  It was good fun.

Like I said, I dreaded this class ever since my advisor signed me up for it.  The thought of standing up there all by myself and talking gave me shivers.  I had absolutely no idea how I would get through that class.  Looking back on these last couple months though, I can honestly be proud of myself.  No, I may not have been the best speaker in the class, but I did well.  And what's even better is, I did something that I didn't think I could do.

I've been doing a lot of things lately that I didn't think I would be able to do.  I didn't think I would be able to make new friends so easily here.  Much less sisters.  I didn't think I would be able to make it living away from my parents for so long, but I have.  I didn't think I could dissect that pig last week in biology, but I did it (without any tears, thank you very much!).  I've also been easing my way back into trumpet solos.  They still scare the heck out of me, but maybe someday that too will be a thing of the past.

I know one thing to be true.  Without God I would never have made it this far.  Sometimes I forget to thank him for these victories in the moment (an unfortunate human failing of mine), but I never fail to remember that in the end, I would be nothing without Him.  As God is changing my world around me, He's changing me as well.  And for this, I am thankful :)

friends? or family :)

I was that girl who cried herself to sleep at camp and ached to go home early from missions trips because she missed her family so much.  I couldn't handle being away from home for more than a week even with my family.  Let's face it, I was one of those homeschooled kids who just loved the routine and comfort of her own house with people she'd known her whole life.  I'm being quite honest here, this whole college thing has scared me ever since I was little.  Now that I'm here though, it doesn't feel like I've been here for long at all.  In fact, my friend witnessed me completely puzzling over the fact that I've in fact been attending classes for over two months.  Time flies.  And sometimes I find myself wondering how on earth I've managed to keep my homesickness at bay.  God has truly blessed me in the start of my first year on my own by surrounding me with some awesome people.

Today I'm thankful for my band family here at school.  Does that sound like a completely nerdy thing to say?  It probably is a completely nerdy thing to say.  Does it look like I care though?  Without my real family here at school, these people have become my family.  I see them all after class every day, and I even eat dinner with them every night.  They ask me how my day was.  They tell funny stories.  They always have good advice (well, actually, that depends on the person giving advice I suppose!!)  Anyway, these people make my day every day :)

God has blessed me so much with friends this year.  During the last couple years there would be days I would just come home and cry because I longed for really good, true, "kindred spirit" sort of friends.  And with the exception of Emma, I could not find those sort of people anywhere in high school.  I was so frustrated by the end of senior year that I blew through my graduation ceremony without even shedding a tear!  (and it usually doesn't take much to make me cry).

My dad called it.  He told me "Mary, you're ready for a change.  I can tell."  Boy was he ever right.

A lot has changed over the past five months.  It's been a gradual change, but at the same time, a very abrupt change.  I don't miss a lot of things about high school.  I just don't.  Saying goodbye in June was easier than I thought it would be.  Now the events that took place a mere six months ago feel like a lifetime away.  I don't know what happened to the time!  Summer came, and I saw a lot of my friends from high school, but I realized something.  I'm not like these people.  We started truly living in different worlds.  I realized that I don't listen to the kind of music they do, I don't value the same things they do, I don't laugh at the nasty jokes they do, and I just don't like spending time with a bunch of them!  Of course there are people I miss from last year, but for the most part it wasn't hard to say goodbye to the majority of them.  That's when I realized that I was ready to leave.  I needed to go somewhere far away from all that had been surrounding me for so long.  Then the biggest change of all happened seemingly (or actually) overnight.  College.

It wasn't as instantaneous as I had hoped. It wasn't as hard as I had dreaded.  But after a few weeks of insanity (the kind of insanity that can only be associated with completely changing everything and moving away from home) I started making friends.  These people I now call friends are like family to me.  I always, always, ALWAYS have someone to talk to if I need to, and they're always, always, ALWAYS there.  That's a good thing to know on days like today; days that I miss my real family a lot.  Alotalotalotalot.  Every day isn't always easy, but in the end, it's always good. 

My Thankfuls

So in light of the upcoming holiday most commonly known as "Thanksgiving," I decided to make a list of "thankfuls."  I've only done this a handful of times, and today I decided it would be a good way to spend some time (that, and a good way to pass some time in class).

This is just the start of my list.  I could obviously go on for pages, taking each thing mentioned above and dissecting it for all it's worth.  I might do just that because I still have 22 days until Thanksgiving!  I love to thank God for things in my life because it forces me to shift my attitude from all the things that are going wrong.  I can instead reflect on all the things that are going right.  It never fails to put my attitude in its rightful place.

Today I am especially thankful for such a thing as family.  My mom, my dad, and my brothers are so awesome, and after I left for college, I realized again just how much they mean to me.

I'm thankful for my dad.  He jumps at any opportunity to spend time with me.  I LOVE to go biking with him, or go to Dunn Brothers with him, or just spend time talking with him (as long as he isn't being too crazy.)  He's such a good example for us all in my family both in being such a hard worker and in the way he lives his life.  He's also wise.  Whenever I have a problem, he'll listen.  He always has a Bible verse up his sleeve to help me through a situation.  I'm blessed to have him as a dad.

I'm thankful for my mom.  She's a lot like me.  She understands my need to be organized and my need to be on top of life.  She goes to so many measures to make sure I'm ok especially here at college.  She messages me at least once a day, she makes sure I have food, she makes sure I'm doing the right thing throughout situations I come across in my days, and she has me covered in prayer.  I always know my mom is praying for me every step of my life.  She prayed me through the hard times last year, and I know she'll pray me through the hard times this year.  I'm really thankful for my mom.

I'm thankful for my brothers.  While Ben and I may never have the same taste in music, I know he loves me anyway!  When there's something going on that I just can't talk to my parents about, I know I can talk to Ben.  He's sort of like my dad in that respect.  He's got a listening ear, and a wise heart.  Sometimes I think he should actually be the older brother rather than the younger one (enough people think he is already anyway).  I've seen him grow so much from those awkward homeschool years that nobody wants to remember, to today.  Having Ben around is like having a best friend that knows everything about you, yet loves you anyway.  I'm thankful for Ben.

I'm thankful for Daniel.  True, he has tried me like none other.  There are days, I go out of my way to avoid him (therefore avoiding being stared at in my room, asked countless times what I'm doing, or having the sink and toilet inspected for me after I use them).  Some days I know I'm a horrible sister, and I'm just plain mean to him, but he never loves me any less for it.  And in the end, I know his following me and his questions just mean that he cares about me.  Daniel is them most joyful person in the whole family.  After being away from him for two months now, I realize just how much I miss his happiness and goofiness every night at the dinner table.  

I hope my family gets to read this, and they know just how much I love and miss them each day.  They see how excited I am to go back to school after coming home for the weekend, and I hope that doesn't make them feel bad.  What they don't see however, is how I'm practically bouncing off my seat with anticipation during band on those fridays that I'm headed home.  I'm thankful for my family :) (PS, if you all are reading this, does this get me out of all birthday cards and mothers and fathers day cards??)