I have obviously left the blogging world stranded for a while. For good reasons though!
A few months ago I suddenly found myself in the midst of a very busy summer filled with teaching and loving on little 5 year olds at a daycare. There were so many days where I felt inadequate for the job. I mean, seriously? I was only coming off of 2 years in college, and here I was working as a lead teacher for these little minds? When I was confronted with the possibility of taking the job, my first reaction was, "I can't do this. This is like being a real teacher. I have 14 kids that I am responsible for. I don't have anyone to help me. This is scary and I don't think I have what it takes." But like every other step I have taken in the world of education, I trusted God to use me and grow me. I took the job...and it was the best decision I could ever have made. Yeah, there were days where I cleaned up puke, broke up fights, and dealt with bloody noses, but then there were all the hugs, and the smiles, and the joy of their eyes lighting up when they learned something new or made something pretty for their mom and dad. So in a very brief paragraph, that was how I spent my summer. I am so thankful to God for how He both provided a job for me, and gave me exactly what I needed to do that job. I'm also thankful for the opportunity to do that job again next summer! And because teachers are always in the process of learning...I'm going to do it even better than I did before! It's a continuous process! This is why I love what I do.
A few days after I said goodbye to my Kindergarteners, I said goodbye to my ESL buddy, my roommate, and my best friend as she headed off on her adventure to Spain for the semester. Needless to say, it was a bit of a rocky start to the school year. It was hard for a lot of reasons. One reason being the fact that I had people on my left and right trying to tell me how to get through the semester and make it fun and positive. And while I really appreciated that they cared about me, a lot of it wasn't what I needed to hear at the time. Parts of the advice they gave were true though. I needed to figure out how to do Northwestern without what my high school Spanish teacher would call my "bungee buddy." Well, since I didn't seem to really have a choice, I "decided" to just go for it. So I set out on my mission to find out more about me, and here are a few things that I learned:
1. I am most decidedly an introvert. I honestly am perfectly happy doing things on my own and independent from the help of others. In school, I have always learned best this way (homeschool side-effect). If I am put in a group, I find that I simply sit back and let my group members do the learning for me. If I work alone, I take responsibility for what I am doing and learn a lot more in the process. I might not always get as good of a grade as I would with a group, but I learn more and am better for it when I work alone. The same goes for life outside of school. I love to be around people! But when I am around people all day...from classes to band to dinner to roommates...I need alone time (another homeschool side-effect). Otherwise I would go crazy!
2. I am very stubborn and determined. It has been interesting to see my stubbornness and determination take on a new strength this semester. I went into this semester thinking that I would have loads of free time. I mean, I didn't have a bestie to go do random things with all the time, right? So I should have extra time, right? Nope! I was thrown into the busiest academic semester of my time at Northwestern (according to my profs). This semester has tried me in many hard ways. While I was fighting through many different kinds of emotions, I was also fighting through piles of homework and presentations and actual teaching in actual schools. It has taken great amounts of determination to get through many of the weeks this year. My stubbornness has shown itself too as I have been doing my best to show people that I can do this semester. I might be the youngest in my ESL classes. I might be fighting with some loneliness in a way that others are not. But I have set my mind and heart to this semester, and nothing can stop me from finishing it strong.
3. I am very scheduled and organized. See, I've always been a very organized person who has a schedule and sticks to it. But this semester, with classes and life just going to a whole new dynamic, I have had to learn a whole new level of being organized. It was kind of funny! At the beginning of this year I would find myself lost in my own head a lot as everything I needed to do was spinning around me. I would stand in my room completely oblivious as to what I needed to put in my backpack for class, and even when I thought I had everything, my roommates would laugh as I haphazardly ran back to the room two times after leaving because I remembered that I forgot something important! A couple days ago, I realized that I don't do that anymore. I have things down to a system. Whether you think that is good or bad, it's what works for me. I have my days scheduled. I specifically have to schedule time for homework and time to take for myself. (This blogging entry was NOT scheduled, mind you, this was just an added fun thing to my day at the last minute!). I do leave time for fun, but if I don't keep to some kind of organized schedule, my life would fly out of control I think! PS, I think my high level of organization, scheduling, and time management skills are contributing to my growing ability to get everything done as a teacher. Maybe that's why they give me so much homework in class....hmmm. Northwestern prepares us well :)
4. I am loyal. If nothing else....this semester has shown me that if I see that someone is going to stick with me, I will stick with them no matter what. Both my mom and my extra mom like to say this a lot: distance makes the heart grow fonder. And throughout this semester, I have found that to be true. I have had to learn a new way to miss someone I love a lot. A way that says "I miss you...but I know you are where God wants you, and I know I am where God wants me, and that's ok. I just can't wait to see you again." I know I have a lot to learn still in the loyalty department...and this will carry on into next semester and the rest of my life. But this semester has put me on the beginning of a journey, and for that I am thankful.
5. I am stronger than I thought I could be: I'll be honest. I was quite scared of this semester for....a couple years now. I knew it would be hard and I wasn't sure how I'd react or handle it. But (now let me have a little moment here and post a quote from Winnie the Pooh) I've really come to know that you can be "braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Sorry. Had to post that, but it really is true. I won't ever look back on this semester as a super happy and fun one, but I will always look back on it as being good. It has grown me and challenged me and shown me that I really am stronger than I thought I was. Most importantly, it has shown me that I can really do anything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). Whether that anything is teaching kindergarten, playing a solo in a concert, giving a presentation, or facing a semester with a best friend who is thousands of miles away, the things that I feel weak in, He has given me strength to do for His glory. So really, when people have asked me how I am doing this semester, I honestly tell them I am fine. I have the strength of God on my side, and I know it and feel it as I go through each day. I am so thankful for His blessings and his grace in my life. By trusting in His strength and goodness and provision, I have been able to make it almost all the way through this semester, so I will continue to do that for the last three weeks and just take things one day at a time...sometimes just one step at a time...all the while trusting that He is in control and has given me strength to do all things.
So yeah! Just a few thoughts from my end after a long period of silence. I thought it was time to sort of reflect on this journey I've been on over the past few months and give God some of the glory through my words because He has been so good to me.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
A Time For Everything
So I find myself on the last day of a very long Christmas break. When I first got home three weeks ago, it was mere days away from Christmas so i was swept away into a whirlwind of activities that occupied my mind and body for almost a week. Then things got quiet. Much quieter than I was used to or even enjoyed. I thrive off of having a schedule and having things to do. And then, at the end of a busy day, I love to be able to do nothing because I've earned it. This break has been full of forced and total relaxation time, and I fought it fiercely for about a week. It made me miserable.
I don't really know how to explain what changed. Maybe the circumstances changed. Maybe I changed. But for the last week, I found myself going out of my way to find things to do and to find people to do them with, and that helped. It gave me a schedule of sorts, and it gave me something to do rather than watch I Love Lucy and House Hunters (which isn't a bad decision most of the time, but after a couple weeks of it, you need a little change!). But then I realized that things still felt off. I have spent a lot of time in prayer over the last few weeks. Every night I took off walking (much to my parent's dismay) and as I tread the streets and wished it was warm enough to bike, I would pray. I would pray the way my mind knows best, out loud, just like I'm talking to any other friend. When I talk to God like that, I tell Him all the things that He knows. I tell him what's going on, I thank Him for what He's doing, I let Him remind me of His faithfulness, I pray for others, and I pray for myself.
These past few weeks have been a little different though because I have been doing more than just what is written above. I have found myself more often than not, pleading with God over a certain area in my life, just begging him to help to heal certain wounds in my heart that have been building up for a long time. In the past, I have been expecting him to move in this area, but I hadn't been praying about it the way I should have been. A week before break, my friend and I decided that she and I both needed to start praying more about this "brick wall" of hurt and fear in my life. I promised her I would! So I did. But even though I started to pray more over this break, I still didn't believe that God would actually hear and listen to my pleas for healing. How could anyone heal the hurts and fears that had been building up, and worsening, and trapping my heart for months? But something started changing during the past few days. I started to pray even more differently still. I realized that what I was praying for was something that wasn't just a silly wish from me. It was something that was so very deeply a part of God's will. I knew that He would heal me. I just didn't know when. I started to pray in a way that acknowledged God's promises and just asked that He would work on my heart soon because I knew that He would do it. Not many days later, I realized that the fears were starting to diminish. Suddenly, I felt like maybe, just maybe for the first time, that it might just be ok. I can't really explain that feeling other than to say that suddenly, I feel peace in places when, in the past, the circumstances that are around me right now usually indicate near panic in my life. Is this healing complete? Absolutely not. I know I still have a lot left to fight through. But I am realizing more and more that God has given me the tools to fight through it, and that even though I know there will be days and nights when peace seems far away, I know that He has started this healing process in me. For the first time, I can be absolutely sure of that.
These verses in John keeps speaking to me over and over again because it couldn't ring more true in my life than it does right now.
Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. (John 16:32-33)
I'm here. At home. Everyone has left me from school. I am alone!! But God has proven that this break, no matter how hard it has been, has been good. He hasn't left, and He has used the aloneness in a powerful way. He is stronger than the troubles in my heart, and in Him I may have peace.
So last night, I found myself back at my bridge. The bridge that I always run away to when I need to be alone. It's where I feel closest to God. I don't go there often during the winter, but it was almost 40 degrees, and I knew i needed to go. As I sat there, listening to the water flowing, I heard God reminding me, "there is a time for everything."
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
He reminded me that the struggles I've been going through over the past few months have been part of His plan. There is a time for struggling, and that's ok. But there is also a time for peace. I've been beating myself up for the struggles I've been going through, but last night God just whispered to me that it was really ok to struggle and not be perfect. I think I'm starting to believe it. He hasn't and won't let me go or forget about me because of it. But like everything else, I know that I'm not done struggling. I never will be. But there is a time for everything, and whether that time is easy or hard, good or bad, full of struggles or full of peace, God is still there, whispering to my soul, telling me that I can let it go and trust in Him.
I don't really know how to explain what changed. Maybe the circumstances changed. Maybe I changed. But for the last week, I found myself going out of my way to find things to do and to find people to do them with, and that helped. It gave me a schedule of sorts, and it gave me something to do rather than watch I Love Lucy and House Hunters (which isn't a bad decision most of the time, but after a couple weeks of it, you need a little change!). But then I realized that things still felt off. I have spent a lot of time in prayer over the last few weeks. Every night I took off walking (much to my parent's dismay) and as I tread the streets and wished it was warm enough to bike, I would pray. I would pray the way my mind knows best, out loud, just like I'm talking to any other friend. When I talk to God like that, I tell Him all the things that He knows. I tell him what's going on, I thank Him for what He's doing, I let Him remind me of His faithfulness, I pray for others, and I pray for myself.
These past few weeks have been a little different though because I have been doing more than just what is written above. I have found myself more often than not, pleading with God over a certain area in my life, just begging him to help to heal certain wounds in my heart that have been building up for a long time. In the past, I have been expecting him to move in this area, but I hadn't been praying about it the way I should have been. A week before break, my friend and I decided that she and I both needed to start praying more about this "brick wall" of hurt and fear in my life. I promised her I would! So I did. But even though I started to pray more over this break, I still didn't believe that God would actually hear and listen to my pleas for healing. How could anyone heal the hurts and fears that had been building up, and worsening, and trapping my heart for months? But something started changing during the past few days. I started to pray even more differently still. I realized that what I was praying for was something that wasn't just a silly wish from me. It was something that was so very deeply a part of God's will. I knew that He would heal me. I just didn't know when. I started to pray in a way that acknowledged God's promises and just asked that He would work on my heart soon because I knew that He would do it. Not many days later, I realized that the fears were starting to diminish. Suddenly, I felt like maybe, just maybe for the first time, that it might just be ok. I can't really explain that feeling other than to say that suddenly, I feel peace in places when, in the past, the circumstances that are around me right now usually indicate near panic in my life. Is this healing complete? Absolutely not. I know I still have a lot left to fight through. But I am realizing more and more that God has given me the tools to fight through it, and that even though I know there will be days and nights when peace seems far away, I know that He has started this healing process in me. For the first time, I can be absolutely sure of that.
These verses in John keeps speaking to me over and over again because it couldn't ring more true in my life than it does right now.
Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. (John 16:32-33)
I'm here. At home. Everyone has left me from school. I am alone!! But God has proven that this break, no matter how hard it has been, has been good. He hasn't left, and He has used the aloneness in a powerful way. He is stronger than the troubles in my heart, and in Him I may have peace.
So last night, I found myself back at my bridge. The bridge that I always run away to when I need to be alone. It's where I feel closest to God. I don't go there often during the winter, but it was almost 40 degrees, and I knew i needed to go. As I sat there, listening to the water flowing, I heard God reminding me, "there is a time for everything."
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
He reminded me that the struggles I've been going through over the past few months have been part of His plan. There is a time for struggling, and that's ok. But there is also a time for peace. I've been beating myself up for the struggles I've been going through, but last night God just whispered to me that it was really ok to struggle and not be perfect. I think I'm starting to believe it. He hasn't and won't let me go or forget about me because of it. But like everything else, I know that I'm not done struggling. I never will be. But there is a time for everything, and whether that time is easy or hard, good or bad, full of struggles or full of peace, God is still there, whispering to my soul, telling me that I can let it go and trust in Him.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Deeper into Trust
Hi! It's almost been three months since my last update! Oops. Funny story about that: I've actually made two or three attempts at writing a post, but I've gotten lost in my own words, and I ended up confusing myself even more. See, I have a lot going on in my heart, but sometimes it's just hard to put it all into words. People ask how I'm doing, and I try my very best to tell them as much as I can. Answering the "how are you doing" question has gotten harder as the years go on. That's frustrating for me because I usually have no trouble whatsoever talking about, well, anything. But, this is going to be me giving it my best shot.
Much of this semester has boiled down to trust. Do you ever have those times when you give something over to God, you entrust it to Him completely, and He proves His faithfulness by providing in a situation? Often times in a better way then you could ever imagine? I love it when that happens. I love being able to tell the stories of God's faithfulness. Even if sometimes I'm not even telling the story to anyone, I'm just reminding my own heart of His goodness.
It's been a while since I've really been struck by God's faithfulness in a situation though. That doesn't mean that I don't think He's working through things in my life, but it just means that for right now, it just is hard to see beyond the present struggles. Sometimes I'm left wondering how it's going to all work out. Because at this point, I know that God is the only one who is strong enough or powerful enough to bring me through things.
So we're back at trust. Do I really trust God that He will be faithful? Do I really believe that, just like He has in the past, He will come through? He won't leave me, nor forsake me? He knows everything that I need? And He actually WANTS to give me the desires of my heart? I think I know the answers to those questions. I think the next step in my journey is just remembering God's faithfulness each day. And never ceasing in prayer. Putting my focus on God, and remembering that He is in control. Looking forward to the day that I can look back on this time of my life and say, just like I have been able to do before, God is faithful, and he knows what He is doing. Life is a journey. And for now, I think my eyes need to be fixed on God and not worrying about anything because no place is safer than the arms of Jesus.
These verses have really been speaking to me lately:
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles." Matthew 6:33-34
So, as I finish this semester, I'm embarking on this journey of trust yet again. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle everything again. And I'm oh so thankful that between the people God has placed in my life, and God Himself, I will NEVER be alone. --Miss Mary Sunshine, over and out!
Much of this semester has boiled down to trust. Do you ever have those times when you give something over to God, you entrust it to Him completely, and He proves His faithfulness by providing in a situation? Often times in a better way then you could ever imagine? I love it when that happens. I love being able to tell the stories of God's faithfulness. Even if sometimes I'm not even telling the story to anyone, I'm just reminding my own heart of His goodness.
It's been a while since I've really been struck by God's faithfulness in a situation though. That doesn't mean that I don't think He's working through things in my life, but it just means that for right now, it just is hard to see beyond the present struggles. Sometimes I'm left wondering how it's going to all work out. Because at this point, I know that God is the only one who is strong enough or powerful enough to bring me through things.
So we're back at trust. Do I really trust God that He will be faithful? Do I really believe that, just like He has in the past, He will come through? He won't leave me, nor forsake me? He knows everything that I need? And He actually WANTS to give me the desires of my heart? I think I know the answers to those questions. I think the next step in my journey is just remembering God's faithfulness each day. And never ceasing in prayer. Putting my focus on God, and remembering that He is in control. Looking forward to the day that I can look back on this time of my life and say, just like I have been able to do before, God is faithful, and he knows what He is doing. Life is a journey. And for now, I think my eyes need to be fixed on God and not worrying about anything because no place is safer than the arms of Jesus.
These verses have really been speaking to me lately:
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles." Matthew 6:33-34
So, as I finish this semester, I'm embarking on this journey of trust yet again. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle everything again. And I'm oh so thankful that between the people God has placed in my life, and God Himself, I will NEVER be alone. --Miss Mary Sunshine, over and out!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
A New Year
It's official. I have made it through the summer! This is my last night at home, my last night before I move back to school. I'm just lying on my bed, looking around at my room, and wondering what this year is going to hold. And now that I just typed that, I'm really, really wondering!!
It seems like every year, God shows up and does amazing things in my life! He often likes to surprise me with blessings. He also likes to throw surprise curves into my well-planned paths. But through each year, I have grown closer to Him, and that is the ultimate goal. I have no doubt this year will be the same.
The second half of this summer proved to be a lot less bumpy than the first. I sort of figured out how to live at home again, and things got into a schedule and routine. But as the numbers in my countdown to go back to school got smaller and smaller, I got restless. I mean, this past week has been nothing but a roller coaster of nerves, excitement, and bottled up energy. But at the same time, I sort of didn't realize that I'm actually leaving home tomorrow morning. About an hour ago (as I was writing the second paragraph), I suddenly looked out the window as it was getting darker. I realized that this was my last night to just bike around town. So I jumped out of bed, unhooked my bike from the carrier on the van, and peddled around Farmington for the last time. I just got to thank God in advance for all He is going to do in my life and in the lives of those around me this year. It was sort of my way of saying goodbye to this place.
Then I came back and faced the wrath of my grumpy dad who had to go put the bike back on the car. But it's ok because he loves me :)
Year number two at Northwestern! Bring it on!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Priceless
There are certain things in life that you just can't put a price on. I think everyone can agree with that. And to put it like good ol' Pooh would, "Sometimes it's the smallest things that take up the most room in your heart."
This past week I got to go spend a time with Miss Megan and her family up in northern Wisconsin and the upper peninsula of Michigan. I don't know if you've ever been to northern Wisconsin before, but it is seriously like another world up there! The wide open fields and busy highways of the south metro transformed into forests and deserted dirt roads before my very eyes as I traveled north.
As I breathed in the Wisconsin air and took time to relax this week, I realized just how important the little things are to me. Things like, bonfires (the kind that no one feels the need to talk during), swimming, catching frogs, staring up at the stars, hearing the wind whisper through pine trees, hugs (the best friend kind), watching almost an entire season of I Love Lucy, friendship tea in matching zebra and giraffe mugs, laughing, smiling, making food, drinking coffee, playing music, sleeping till 10 (or maybe 12), picking rascalberries, discovering that you actually have 17 different possible nicknames, and just the simple pleasure of remembering that your far-away friend does actually exist in a world apart from your phone or your computer.
If anyone has been paying the slightest bit of attention to this blog of mine, they'd be able to read and see that God's been changing me a lot in this past year. Things haven't always been easy, or happy, or fun. And even though those difficult times are still merely a fraction compared to the good times, because of those hard things, I've learned to rely on God to get me through when it's been too hard to stand on my own.
Even though our deepest reliance should always be on God, even God knows that we need friends on this side of heaven too. I am so thankful that about exactly a year ago, I started to get to know Megan. A year ago I was already praying for her achey back, and she was already praying for my trumpet audition. And that was before we'd ever even met. A whole year later, I can say that I am still amazed that God chose to bless me with such a faithful, loving, trustworthy, grounded-in-Christ friend like her...because I haven't always deserved it. Oh yeah, that's where that faithful part comes in. She is such a blessing in my life and in the lives of others. Her friendship is one that is priceless to me.
This past week I got to go spend a time with Miss Megan and her family up in northern Wisconsin and the upper peninsula of Michigan. I don't know if you've ever been to northern Wisconsin before, but it is seriously like another world up there! The wide open fields and busy highways of the south metro transformed into forests and deserted dirt roads before my very eyes as I traveled north.
As I breathed in the Wisconsin air and took time to relax this week, I realized just how important the little things are to me. Things like, bonfires (the kind that no one feels the need to talk during), swimming, catching frogs, staring up at the stars, hearing the wind whisper through pine trees, hugs (the best friend kind), watching almost an entire season of I Love Lucy, friendship tea in matching zebra and giraffe mugs, laughing, smiling, making food, drinking coffee, playing music, sleeping till 10 (or maybe 12), picking rascalberries, discovering that you actually have 17 different possible nicknames, and just the simple pleasure of remembering that your far-away friend does actually exist in a world apart from your phone or your computer.
If anyone has been paying the slightest bit of attention to this blog of mine, they'd be able to read and see that God's been changing me a lot in this past year. Things haven't always been easy, or happy, or fun. And even though those difficult times are still merely a fraction compared to the good times, because of those hard things, I've learned to rely on God to get me through when it's been too hard to stand on my own.
Even though our deepest reliance should always be on God, even God knows that we need friends on this side of heaven too. I am so thankful that about exactly a year ago, I started to get to know Megan. A year ago I was already praying for her achey back, and she was already praying for my trumpet audition. And that was before we'd ever even met. A whole year later, I can say that I am still amazed that God chose to bless me with such a faithful, loving, trustworthy, grounded-in-Christ friend like her...because I haven't always deserved it. Oh yeah, that's where that faithful part comes in. She is such a blessing in my life and in the lives of others. Her friendship is one that is priceless to me.
Want to hear more about my week up north? Well, sorry because I probably already told too much. There are just some things that only my best friend and I will ever know about ;)
Friday, June 29, 2012
A Change of Wind -- Being Blown back to God :)
The way I see it, my summer has been divided into three chunks. First half, intermission/a week in Wisconsin, and second half. First half is almost over, and I'm still not sure whether this summer is passing by quickly or slowly for me. Maybe it's a little bit of both.
I think I'm officially in the swing of things back here at home. I have re-acclimated to my family's eating schedule (as my mom was so kind to point out to me tonight). No longer do I eat lunch at 1 or 2 and round it off with dinner at 6:30. I'm finding myself hungry for lunch at 11, and I'm hungrily leaning over the upstairs balcony at exactly 5:20, smelling to see if dinner is ready!
My neighbors have also gotten used to my presence again. Now they just smile and wave at me as I run or bike past their houses four or five times a day. And who could miss the trumpet? Yes, the noisy neighborhood musician is back. And when the windows are open, they all get a free concert! I must have toned it down a little though because two doors down, my neighbor actually thought I played the flute... Still not sure what to think about that one.
So, other than running, and biking, and trumpeting, I have been filling the rest of my time up with working and studying. I am never taking summer classes again. Ever. If I can at all help it at least. Summers are not meant for learning. It's as simple as that!
Well, summers aren't meant for textbook learning. I have been learning this summer because I asked God to keep teaching me stuff this summer. I was a little afraid He would push the pause button on my growth and just wait to hit play until September. But if there's one thing I learned and learned fast it's this: when you ask God to keep teaching you things, He will not leave you wanting. I mean there have been times these last few weeks that I have pleaded with God to show me what the heck He is doing! It's that old saying come true, "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."
The way God has been growing me is almost too hard to put into words. It's been hard, even painful at times. There were days where the doubts and worries nearly swallowed me whole. But it's because of those doubts and worries that I learned to grow. I learned to depend on God's promises and God's promises alone to sustain me. Without all the struggle and fear, I would not have found a deeper trust in God. I would never have been forced to rely on him so completely.
Sometimes all I can do is thank God for the difficulties because if the end result is anything like I hope it will be, I cannot be thankful enough for the hardship. Just as it says in James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Not lacking in anything?! Now, that's the kind of promise that I could get excited about :)
I think I'm officially in the swing of things back here at home. I have re-acclimated to my family's eating schedule (as my mom was so kind to point out to me tonight). No longer do I eat lunch at 1 or 2 and round it off with dinner at 6:30. I'm finding myself hungry for lunch at 11, and I'm hungrily leaning over the upstairs balcony at exactly 5:20, smelling to see if dinner is ready!
My neighbors have also gotten used to my presence again. Now they just smile and wave at me as I run or bike past their houses four or five times a day. And who could miss the trumpet? Yes, the noisy neighborhood musician is back. And when the windows are open, they all get a free concert! I must have toned it down a little though because two doors down, my neighbor actually thought I played the flute... Still not sure what to think about that one.
So, other than running, and biking, and trumpeting, I have been filling the rest of my time up with working and studying. I am never taking summer classes again. Ever. If I can at all help it at least. Summers are not meant for learning. It's as simple as that!
Well, summers aren't meant for textbook learning. I have been learning this summer because I asked God to keep teaching me stuff this summer. I was a little afraid He would push the pause button on my growth and just wait to hit play until September. But if there's one thing I learned and learned fast it's this: when you ask God to keep teaching you things, He will not leave you wanting. I mean there have been times these last few weeks that I have pleaded with God to show me what the heck He is doing! It's that old saying come true, "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."
The way God has been growing me is almost too hard to put into words. It's been hard, even painful at times. There were days where the doubts and worries nearly swallowed me whole. But it's because of those doubts and worries that I learned to grow. I learned to depend on God's promises and God's promises alone to sustain me. Without all the struggle and fear, I would not have found a deeper trust in God. I would never have been forced to rely on him so completely.
Sometimes all I can do is thank God for the difficulties because if the end result is anything like I hope it will be, I cannot be thankful enough for the hardship. Just as it says in James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Not lacking in anything?! Now, that's the kind of promise that I could get excited about :)
Sunday, May 27, 2012
A Change of Wind -- Being Blown Back Home :)
As you may already know by now, I'm officially back home for the summer! And as of about 4:00 this afternoon, I'm officially all moved in! It only took five days. My excuse is that I just got back from band tour to New York and Philadelphia. So not only did I have stuff from college to put back in order, but I also had a week's worth of a messy suitcase to figure out! I'm sure glad everything is back in order in my room though, and I think my mom is too because this house is entering into lockdown mode as we get ready for Ben's grad party next weekend. I'm almost afraid to leave my room for fear of creating a mess my mom will have to clean up!
But that's about as exciting as it's gotten around here since I've been back. For the most part, my parents have been at work and my brothers have been at school. That leaves me and the dog here at home for the daytime. I've needed the quiet though. When I first got back home from saying goodbye to everyone at school, I ran up to my room with Lizzy and just sat on my bed. The only noise I could hear was the ringing in my ears from the constant chatter and music I'd been surrounded by for the past, well, four months. For the first time, I was alone.
When I was younger, I always loved the wind because it felt so awesome and powerful. And as I've gotten older, I still love it because it reminds me that God is powerful and He is always in control no matter what the circumstance. It just so happened that my first two days of being back home were some of the windiest days yet this year. I just felt this overwhelming presence of God as the wind blew through my house. Yeah, by this point I'm starting to miss school a little bit, and I definitely miss the people I've gotten to know this year, but I'm excited to see what God's going to do in me and in others this summer.
If there's one thing I could say I learned while I was on tour, it's this: God is sovereign. When worry starts to take over and I lose focus of what's really important, I've been getting better about turning to God in prayer instead of freaking out. I mean really, my worrying does nothing to help any situation. God's the one who's in control of it all, and He isn't going to let anything happen that He doesn't want to have happen. I often forget that and lose my trust in God and in others because of it. My friends will tell you that I'm definitely not perfect at this whole "not worrying" thing! And my family will tell you that it's been a struggle for me ever since I was a little girl! But it's a process. It's always a process. And it's a process that I know I'll still be working through for a long time, but I'm already seeing how far God's brought me in this process. That brings me back to Philippians 1:6 where it says "But we can be confident of this, that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
God's not finished with me yet! And even though the wind is changing, and it might be hard at times, I choose to trust Him.
But that's about as exciting as it's gotten around here since I've been back. For the most part, my parents have been at work and my brothers have been at school. That leaves me and the dog here at home for the daytime. I've needed the quiet though. When I first got back home from saying goodbye to everyone at school, I ran up to my room with Lizzy and just sat on my bed. The only noise I could hear was the ringing in my ears from the constant chatter and music I'd been surrounded by for the past, well, four months. For the first time, I was alone.
When I was younger, I always loved the wind because it felt so awesome and powerful. And as I've gotten older, I still love it because it reminds me that God is powerful and He is always in control no matter what the circumstance. It just so happened that my first two days of being back home were some of the windiest days yet this year. I just felt this overwhelming presence of God as the wind blew through my house. Yeah, by this point I'm starting to miss school a little bit, and I definitely miss the people I've gotten to know this year, but I'm excited to see what God's going to do in me and in others this summer.
If there's one thing I could say I learned while I was on tour, it's this: God is sovereign. When worry starts to take over and I lose focus of what's really important, I've been getting better about turning to God in prayer instead of freaking out. I mean really, my worrying does nothing to help any situation. God's the one who's in control of it all, and He isn't going to let anything happen that He doesn't want to have happen. I often forget that and lose my trust in God and in others because of it. My friends will tell you that I'm definitely not perfect at this whole "not worrying" thing! And my family will tell you that it's been a struggle for me ever since I was a little girl! But it's a process. It's always a process. And it's a process that I know I'll still be working through for a long time, but I'm already seeing how far God's brought me in this process. That brings me back to Philippians 1:6 where it says "But we can be confident of this, that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
God's not finished with me yet! And even though the wind is changing, and it might be hard at times, I choose to trust Him.
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