I have obviously left the blogging world stranded for a while. For good reasons though!
A few months ago I suddenly found myself in the midst of a very busy summer filled with teaching and loving on little 5 year olds at a daycare. There were so many days where I felt inadequate for the job. I mean, seriously? I was only coming off of 2 years in college, and here I was working as a lead teacher for these little minds? When I was confronted with the possibility of taking the job, my first reaction was, "I can't do this. This is like being a real teacher. I have 14 kids that I am responsible for. I don't have anyone to help me. This is scary and I don't think I have what it takes." But like every other step I have taken in the world of education, I trusted God to use me and grow me. I took the job...and it was the best decision I could ever have made. Yeah, there were days where I cleaned up puke, broke up fights, and dealt with bloody noses, but then there were all the hugs, and the smiles, and the joy of their eyes lighting up when they learned something new or made something pretty for their mom and dad. So in a very brief paragraph, that was how I spent my summer. I am so thankful to God for how He both provided a job for me, and gave me exactly what I needed to do that job. I'm also thankful for the opportunity to do that job again next summer! And because teachers are always in the process of learning...I'm going to do it even better than I did before! It's a continuous process! This is why I love what I do.
A few days after I said goodbye to my Kindergarteners, I said goodbye to my ESL buddy, my roommate, and my best friend as she headed off on her adventure to Spain for the semester. Needless to say, it was a bit of a rocky start to the school year. It was hard for a lot of reasons. One reason being the fact that I had people on my left and right trying to tell me how to get through the semester and make it fun and positive. And while I really appreciated that they cared about me, a lot of it wasn't what I needed to hear at the time. Parts of the advice they gave were true though. I needed to figure out how to do Northwestern without what my high school Spanish teacher would call my "bungee buddy." Well, since I didn't seem to really have a choice, I "decided" to just go for it. So I set out on my mission to find out more about me, and here are a few things that I learned:
1. I am most decidedly an introvert. I honestly am perfectly happy doing things on my own and independent from the help of others. In school, I have always learned best this way (homeschool side-effect). If I am put in a group, I find that I simply sit back and let my group members do the learning for me. If I work alone, I take responsibility for what I am doing and learn a lot more in the process. I might not always get as good of a grade as I would with a group, but I learn more and am better for it when I work alone. The same goes for life outside of school. I love to be around people! But when I am around people all day...from classes to band to dinner to roommates...I need alone time (another homeschool side-effect). Otherwise I would go crazy!
2. I am very stubborn and determined. It has been interesting to see my stubbornness and determination take on a new strength this semester. I went into this semester thinking that I would have loads of free time. I mean, I didn't have a bestie to go do random things with all the time, right? So I should have extra time, right? Nope! I was thrown into the busiest academic semester of my time at Northwestern (according to my profs). This semester has tried me in many hard ways. While I was fighting through many different kinds of emotions, I was also fighting through piles of homework and presentations and actual teaching in actual schools. It has taken great amounts of determination to get through many of the weeks this year. My stubbornness has shown itself too as I have been doing my best to show people that I can do this semester. I might be the youngest in my ESL classes. I might be fighting with some loneliness in a way that others are not. But I have set my mind and heart to this semester, and nothing can stop me from finishing it strong.
3. I am very scheduled and organized. See, I've always been a very organized person who has a schedule and sticks to it. But this semester, with classes and life just going to a whole new dynamic, I have had to learn a whole new level of being organized. It was kind of funny! At the beginning of this year I would find myself lost in my own head a lot as everything I needed to do was spinning around me. I would stand in my room completely oblivious as to what I needed to put in my backpack for class, and even when I thought I had everything, my roommates would laugh as I haphazardly ran back to the room two times after leaving because I remembered that I forgot something important! A couple days ago, I realized that I don't do that anymore. I have things down to a system. Whether you think that is good or bad, it's what works for me. I have my days scheduled. I specifically have to schedule time for homework and time to take for myself. (This blogging entry was NOT scheduled, mind you, this was just an added fun thing to my day at the last minute!). I do leave time for fun, but if I don't keep to some kind of organized schedule, my life would fly out of control I think! PS, I think my high level of organization, scheduling, and time management skills are contributing to my growing ability to get everything done as a teacher. Maybe that's why they give me so much homework in class....hmmm. Northwestern prepares us well :)
4. I am loyal. If nothing else....this semester has shown me that if I see that someone is going to stick with me, I will stick with them no matter what. Both my mom and my extra mom like to say this a lot: distance makes the heart grow fonder. And throughout this semester, I have found that to be true. I have had to learn a new way to miss someone I love a lot. A way that says "I miss you...but I know you are where God wants you, and I know I am where God wants me, and that's ok. I just can't wait to see you again." I know I have a lot to learn still in the loyalty department...and this will carry on into next semester and the rest of my life. But this semester has put me on the beginning of a journey, and for that I am thankful.
5. I am stronger than I thought I could be: I'll be honest. I was quite scared of this semester for....a couple years now. I knew it would be hard and I wasn't sure how I'd react or handle it. But (now let me have a little moment here and post a quote from Winnie the Pooh) I've really come to know that you can be "braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Sorry. Had to post that, but it really is true. I won't ever look back on this semester as a super happy and fun one, but I will always look back on it as being good. It has grown me and challenged me and shown me that I really am stronger than I thought I was. Most importantly, it has shown me that I can really do anything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). Whether that anything is teaching kindergarten, playing a solo in a concert, giving a presentation, or facing a semester with a best friend who is thousands of miles away, the things that I feel weak in, He has given me strength to do for His glory. So really, when people have asked me how I am doing this semester, I honestly tell them I am fine. I have the strength of God on my side, and I know it and feel it as I go through each day. I am so thankful for His blessings and his grace in my life. By trusting in His strength and goodness and provision, I have been able to make it almost all the way through this semester, so I will continue to do that for the last three weeks and just take things one day at a time...sometimes just one step at a time...all the while trusting that He is in control and has given me strength to do all things.
So yeah! Just a few thoughts from my end after a long period of silence. I thought it was time to sort of reflect on this journey I've been on over the past few months and give God some of the glory through my words because He has been so good to me.
